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Could Germany have successfully defeated the Russians if they used Crab People?

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  • Could Germany have successfully defeated the Russians if they used Crab People?

    So the idea is that when Operation Barbarossa was launched in 1941, Nazi scientists have discovered a genetic modifying liquid that can turn humans into crab people. Hitler orders all 3 army groups to take this potion with the thinking that Crab People don't need that much resources to sustain them (No guns, no tanks etc). So my question is, could the Germans have successfully defeated Russia by out-sustaining them and using their crab-like claws to destroy all Russians or would the loss of mobility give Stalin enough time to rapidly rebuild his forces and destroy the crab people?

  • #2
    Not after the Russians deploy their elite Cossack brigades armed with steam cannons and these:


    Mmmmm wehrmachtlicious ....

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Malusregnum View Post
      So the idea is that when Operation Barbarossa was launched in 1941, Nazi scientists have discovered a genetic modifying liquid that can turn humans into crab people. Hitler orders all 3 army groups to take this potion with the thinking that Crab People don't need that much resources to sustain them (No guns, no tanks etc). So my question is, could the Germans have successfully defeated Russia by out-sustaining them and using their crab-like claws to destroy all Russians or would the loss of mobility give Stalin enough time to rapidly rebuild his forces and destroy the crab people?
      Could Germany have successfully defeated the Russians if they used Crab People?

      Yes, but it was not in the Crab peoples best interest for them not to do so.
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      • #4
        Originally posted by CarpeDiem View Post
        Not after the Russians deploy their elite Cossack brigades armed with steam cannons and these:


        Mmmmm wehrmachtlicious ....
        Um er the Cossacks fought with the Germans.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Roddoss72 View Post
          Um er the Cossacks fought with the Germans.
          Um er check your facts.

          From History of the Cossacks

          When the war broke out the Cossacks found themselves on both sides of the conflict. Most fought for the Soviet Union; however, some chose to settle old scores by collaborating with the Germans
          It should be pointed out that most of the collaborators, who some say numbered over 250,000 (although current figures claim the true number was not even a third of that) were the Don Cossacks, who, formerly the largest and strongest host, suffered the worst under Soviet collectivization policies. Kuban and Terek Cossacks, on the other hand, fought almost exclusively for the Red Army, and even in most desperate situations their heroism was evident. Being the largest Red Army Cossack host, the Kuban Cossacks in 1945 triumphantly marched on Red Square in the famous Victory Parade.

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          • #6
            Once all the diaries and butter factories are overrun the Russians are doomed!

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            • #7
              Originally posted by CarpeDiem View Post
              Um er check your facts.

              From History of the Cossacks
              Ok, so not totally correct, but partially correct.

              Anyway, the Soviets are starving and will eat just about anything including boiled leather see the Crab People and by August the Soviets have eaten the goose stepping crustacians (sic), Germany loses.

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              • #8
                A crab is worth the same as a head of cabbage, but the Germans preferred cabbage. Heck even the Judaten refused to eat crabs.
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                • #9
                  I have crabs.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Roddoss72 View Post
                    I have crabs.
                    Any particular kind or just in general...? After all head lice and body lice are two completely different species much like Progressive Leftist Communists and Humanity are...

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by T. A. Gardner View Post
                      Any particular kind or just in general...? After all head lice and body lice are two completely different species much like Progressive Leftist Communists and Humanity are...
                      If i told you i'd hafta kill you.

                      Genetically Human Pubic Lice are closely related to that found on Gorillas.

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                      • #12
                        Nope, ...

                        ... the Germans weren't able to acquire enough genetic modifying crab oil, so they had to substitute their own "synthetic genetic modifying crab oil". Unfortunately for the Germans they failed to realize that the resulting "Synthetic Crab People" made of Pollock, mixed with egg white albumen with crab flavoring and colour added, lacked shells and claws. Not even bothering to stop for drawn butter, the Soviet's crushed the "German Synthetic Crab People" into the Polish mud and took Berlin two weeks after the start of Barbarossa.

                        German Synthetic Crab People standing at attention:




                        Originally posted by Stephen Gardner View Post
                        So the idea is that when Operation Barbarossa was launched in 1941, Nazi scientists have discovered a genetic modifying liquid that can turn humans into crab people. Hitler orders all 3 army groups to take this potion with the thinking that Crab People don't need that much resources to sustain them (No guns, no tanks etc). So my question is, could the Germans have successfully defeated Russia by out-sustaining them and using their crab-like claws to destroy all Russians or would the loss of mobility give Stalin enough time to rapidly rebuild his forces and destroy the crab people?
                        "I am Groot"
                        - Groot

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Stephen Gardner View Post
                          So the idea is that when Operation Barbarossa was launched in 1941, Nazi scientists have discovered a genetic modifying liquid that can turn humans into crab people. Hitler orders all 3 army groups to take this potion with the thinking that Crab People don't need that much resources to sustain them (No guns, no tanks etc). So my question is, could the Germans have successfully defeated Russia by out-sustaining them and using their crab-like claws to destroy all Russians or would the loss of mobility give Stalin enough time to rapidly rebuild his forces and destroy the crab people?
                          I trump this with Stalin bringing up his reserve of horse-borne Mongol Lizard Men.
                          The First Amendment applies to SMS, Emails, Blogs, online news, the Fourth applies to your cell phone, computer, and your car, but the Second only applies to muskets?

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Marmat View Post
                            ... the Germans weren't able to acquire enough genetic modifying crab oil, so they had to substitute their own "synthetic genetic modifying crab oil". Unfortunately for the Germans they failed to realize that the resulting "Synthetic Crab People" made of Pollock, mixed with egg white albumen with crab flavoring and colour added, lacked shells and claws. Not even bothering to stop for drawn butter, the Soviet's crushed the "German Synthetic Crab People" into the Polish mud and took Berlin two weeks after the start of Barbarossa.

                            German Synthetic Crab People standing at attention:

                            So, they went with erstaz crab and then there is the dairy product shortage meaning that they had to substitue butter flavored lard for real butter resulting in the erstaz crab being unable to function in cold weather as the lard congealed freezing them in place....

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Hida Akechi View Post
                              I trump this with Stalin bringing up his reserve of horse-borne Mongol Lizard Men.
                              If we're going there then the British send the Russians Lend-Lease Zulus and the Germans are doomed! Doomed I tell you!

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