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MERRY CHRISTMAS...

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  • MERRY CHRISTMAS...

    The long toll of the brave
    Is not lost in darkness
    Over the fruitful earth
    And athwart the seas
    Hath passed the light of noble deeds
    Unquenchable forever.

  • #2
    And a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year to you and yours Steve! And the same goes to all members and powers that be on the ACG site.


    Paul
    Last edited by Dibble201Bty; 24 Dec 15, 23:10.
    ‘Tis said his form is tiny, yet
    All human ills he can subdue,
    Or with a bauble or medal
    Can win mans heart for you;
    And many a blessing know to stew
    To make a megloamaniac bright;
    Give honour to the dainty Corse,
    The Pixie is a little shite.

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    • #3
      I had no idea that Santa's sleigh was such a modern tool of war!

      The stickers must be the number of houses he has inadvertantly destroyed this year. Must have set fire to them them by mistake coming down the chimney.

      I had no further idea that Santa measured the merriness of Christmas by such means....he does have it painted in black under all those stickers after all,...and is giving us the "OK" sysmbol to top it all off.

      A Nazi version of this picture would be Hermann Goring seated in the same pose in one of his Bf-109s, with stickers representing whole cities and towns, rather than individual houses. Merry christmas London, Rotterdam, Warsaw, Coventry! Hope to see you all again soon...!

      Jokes aside, have a very Merry Christmas...Heres a genuine soldiers Christmas concert for you all to enjoy.....

      "Ladies and Gentlemen, the 19th Battery Chritsmas Show!!!!
      The band swings into "We're the Boys from Battery "D", then switch to our two ocarina's for "The Rocamanfina Rhumba", (a tune they had cooked up accompanied by matchboxes on the Rocamanfina Road position in Italy)

      Curtain down, we dash off to change
      Act 2: Gunner Joe Slater, "As Time Goes By"
      We hear Joe Slater in his strangled tenor....
      Act 3: Sgt. King, sings, "The Green Eye of the Little Yellow God"
      Sgt. King is on and getting a hard time from the ranks, (singing) "...he was worshipped by the ranks...."...("Was he, f**k!", came an authoritive cockney voice from the ranks...)
      Act 4: "Ladies and Gentlemen, "The Royal Horse Hillbillies!!!!"

      Boos etc, vurtain up...

      The scene revealed, three hilbillies seated, drinking "Raccoon juice" and "Barr's Sweat" from our rum ration jugs. Gales of uncontrollable laughter, why? Gunner White is showing a pair of testicles hanging in full view from under his nightshirt. Gnr Alf fildes is paring his toenails with a bayonette; in his hands he holds a dozen 3inch bolts that he drops as his toenails are pared.

      Gnr Kidgell swigs his "Raccon's P**s", spits, and from the back of the hall comes a DANNNNG! as B.S.M. Griffin hits an empty 25 pounder shell case..

      BANG! BANG! Edgington and I let off our blank cartridge "blunderbuss" muskets; we had never tried them before, so loud was the explosion that a great gasp of "Corr, bloddy ell!" rang through the audience. At the same time 2 tin plates dislodged from the roof and covered us in a patina of dust.

      "Don't fire anymorw!" said a terrified Gnr Sloggit, who was working the curtains.

      Enter Edgington and Milligan...

      KIDGELL: "Wharr yew tew been?" (spit, dannng!)
      SPIKE: "We jus' dun' kilt a barr." (spit, dannng!)
      EDG: "Biggest dun barr Ah ever' seed"...(spiit....long pause followed by a small "Ting!")
      SPIKE: "When ah seed him he dun growled, so ahh growls back, he leans tuh thu laift, so Ahh leans' to thu laift, he scratches his ball, so Ahh scratch ma' ball, ....then that barrr dun' a big sheet....and I said "barr, yew got me thar....I dun thait when Ahh first seed yew!"

      A few more gags like that, then we all sing "Ah Like Mountain Music" Fildes on guitar, me and Edge on ocarinas, Kidgell on the "Raccon's ****" jar. The music was interspersed with rythymic spits! and distant Dannngs!!! in tempo, and we went off a treat.
      Act 4: "Jam Jar" Griffin announces "gunner Shipman will now sing "Shipmate of Mine"
      "He's never seen a bleedin' ship!" heckles a voice from the back.

      The curtain goes back to revea Edgington at the piano in barefeet, dressed as a hillbilly.. Shipman has a pleasant baritone voice inaudible in the low register.:; he insists on walking about as he sings, causing numerous clink clanks from the stage. His song is frequently interupted by hissed whispers from the wings, "Keep still!". He stops in mid song to ask the voice what it is saying.
      ""Keep bleedin' still! The floor squaeks when you walk about!"
      He then continues, except that his last position was on the extreme right of the stage, so we then have the spectacle of a piano on one side, an empty stage, and a singing gunner on the extreme right.

      He is well recieved
      Act 5: "Jock" Webster..."Scotland for Ever"

      Jock Webster follows with a series of hoary old Scottish jokes...("Is anything worn under the kilt? NAI man! It's all in perfect working order!")[
      Act 7: THE GREATEST ITEM EVER; ALL IN SCRAP.

      to the great mock fight twixt Dean's and robinson.

      They appeared in Long johns and Plimsolls. They had been rehearsing this mock fight for a week, but it was all pointless, as in the first few moments Dean took a right-hander to the chin that made him groggy, and from then on robinson has to nurse him along.

      The crowd barracks, "Kill im'!...Call a priest!...Send im' ome!"

      The "fight" went the whole distance, especially Deans, who now had blood running down his chin. His parting remark.."you wanted blood, you bastards, well, you got it!"
      Act 8; "Community singing" All the Old favourites Lead by spike.

      "...American officers were baffled by songs like..

      I painted her
      I painted her,
      Up her belly and down her back,
      I painted her,
      I painted her,
      In evry hole and evry crack.
      I painted her,
      I painted her,
      I painted her old tomata, over and over again!
      Act 9: BSM Griffin..."The Great Mystery"
      It's BSM Griffin now, and he's had quite a skinful and does a conjuring act which i nor anyone else to this day understands. HE doesn't even remember it. He sat hidden under a blanket pushing cards out through a slit asking, " What is it?"
      (member of audience..."Ace of spades")
      He would take it back inside the blanket and announce, "So it is!"

      I think he got booed off and seemed well pleased with it.
      Act 11:
      Kidgell had announced himself, "I will sing songs you all know and love"[/B]

      (voice of horror from the back.."Ohhh nooo"

      When he had finished the same voice said loudly, "I didn't know or love any of them!"
      Act 12
      Edgington is at the piano with that grim bloody look on his face, as if expecting a shot to ring out from the audience. One of the notes went dead on him, which brought forth laughter every time he got to the missing note again., as he stood up and sang the note himself.
      Act 13:

      Next from Liverpool, we have a real 'scouse' Joe Hearns telling lots of Liverpudlian jokes like..."My owd' man's got a glass eye. One day he swallowed it, went to see the doctor, doctor said "drop em and bend down", and he sees this glass eye looking at him out the back, and he says, "Wots the matter, don't you trust me?"
      After him, the band are on again. We play a favourite of ours, "Tangerine", and what in those days was a red hot number "Watch the Birdie". We didn't go all that well becuase the boys had heard us many times at dnaces.

      The Finale was a send up of Major "Jumbo" Jenkins, (Jumbo because of his large ears...Drusus), in "Command Post Follies", in which we took the **** out of him in no uncertain terms. He was fuming, but put a fixed grin on his silly face. We conclude with the cast singing "Jogging Along to the Regimental Gallop", to the tune of Jenkin's own favourite, "whistling rufus", (Jenkins played the clarinet...Drusus), and by God, we got a mighty ovation for that
      The officers came backstage to congratulate us, and with consumate skill drank all our grog. We all got pretty tanked up. Long after evryone had gone to bed, Harry and I sat on the stage, drinking and re-running the show. It had been a great night.

      "Now what?", said Edgington.

      Now what indeed...
      A soldiers MERRY CHRISTMAS to you all!!!

      Drusus Nero
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      • #4
        Merry Christmas to all of you,

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        • #5


          Merry Christmas!

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