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  • The importance of punctuation.
    Read the following and then read it again without the comma;
    "I helped my uncle Jack, off a horse".
    "The thing about quotes on the internet is that you cannot confirm their
    validity." - Abraham Lincoln.
    "Nothing's going to change while one side it lying about the cause and the other is lying about the solution" - Me

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    • Doctor: you must quit masturbating, sir
      Patient: why?
      Doctor: because you aren't letting me examine you properly
      "Keep Calm. Use Less X's"

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      • Past, Present, and Future walk into a bar. They were in tense.

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        • Two girls discuss their favourite sexual positions.
          One of them tells, it's "rodeo".
          - What is it? asked another one
          And the first one replies:
          You're on top, straddling your boyfriend, and tell him you've got AIDS. Your task is to hold on for 30 seconds.



          One mother suspected her little son smokes cannabis. Once, when he was at school, she searched his room and found a joint. Well, nobody was home and she decided to try it. Lit the joint, made a few puffs... Some time later rang the doorbell.
          "Hello, ma, it's me"
          "No, you're lying. The ma it's me!"
          "Keep Calm. Use Less X's"

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          • Manoel takes his wife to the gynecologist to find out why blue spots appeared around her groin. After examining her, the doctor calls Manoel and asks: - Do you practice oral sex with your woman regularly? The Portuguese answers: - Of course, the doctor ... and i like it very much! And the Sherloc Holmes-looking doctor: So remember to take the pen behind your ear next time.

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            • The Portuguese arrives at Americano and says: - I just invented an unbreakable lamp !!! And the Americano: - What material is it made of? The Portuguese: - Of steel.

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              • Long live socialism



                A boy comes home from school tired and hungry and asks his mother:
                - Mom, what are you going to eat?
                - Nothing, my son. - answers the mother sadly.
                The boy looks at the parrot, which they have in the cage, and asks:
                - Mom, why is there no parrot with rice?
                - Because there is no rice. - answers the mother.
                - And parrot in the oven? Asks the boy.
                - There is no gas. - answers the mother.
                - And parrot on the electric grill? Asks the boy.
                - There is no electricity. - answers the mother.
                - And fried parrot? Asks the boy.
                - There is no oil. - answers the mother.
                And the delighted parrot screams:
                -LIVE SOCIALISM !! LIVE SOCIALISM !!!

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                • At an intersection there are 4 vehicles: 1 penis, 1 vibrator, 1 broom and 2 tomatoes. Who has priority?

                  The vibrator! Because it is a motor vehicle.

                  ..................

                  In portuguese.

                  Num cruzamento encontram-se 4 veículos: 1 pénis, 1 vibrador, 1 vassoura e 2 tomates. Quem tem prioridade?

                  O vibrador! Porque é um veículo motorizado.


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                  • a girl with a red riding hood went to hers grandomother. ( we all know thqt folktale)

                    there was a wolf who ate her grandmother.
                    When she saw a wolf in a grannys cloths she asked

                    wow, granny why do you have such big eyes !?

                    wolf replied:


                    oh '**** you . cant you see that i defecate !

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