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Quotes about the French Army

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  • Quotes about the French Army

    In light of the French snub of the USA's requst for NATO assistance in Iraq, here is a forum for users to post their favorite quotes about the French Army.

    Here's one...

    "Going to war without France is like going deer
    hunting without your accordion." --Norman Schwartzkopf
    "Aaah, the Luftwaffe, the Washington Senators of the History Channel."
    -- Homer J. Simpson

  • #2
    "We at French's [Mustard] Company wish to put an end to statements that our product is manufactured in France. There is no relationship, nor has there ever been a relationship, between our mustard and the country of France. Indeed, our mustard is manufactured in Rochester, New York. The only thing we have in common is that we are both yellow."

    Humorous takeoff on a statement by the makers of French's Mustard. (Taken from my Let's Make Fun of the French calendar.)

    JS
    Barcsi János ispán vezérőrnagy
    Time Magazine's Person of the Year for 2003 & 2006


    "Never pet a burning dog."

    RECOMMENDED WEBSITES:
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    Comment


    • #3
      Cute one, I've not heard it before!
      Attached Files
      "When I am abroad I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the Government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home."

      Winston Churchill

      Comment


      • #4
        Here's another...

        "The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." -- Regis Philbin

        Ouch, Regis with the biting wit.
        "Aaah, the Luftwaffe, the Washington Senators of the History Channel."
        -- Homer J. Simpson

        Comment


        • #5
          Q: Why is the Champs d' lysees lined with trees?

          A: So the German troops can march in the shade.


          "Think of a country where people were admired for running away in battle, or where a man felt proud of double-crossing all the people who had been kindest to him. You might as well try to imagine a country where two and two make five." C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

          "Or, you could just go to France." Joisey


          "Going to war is always an admission of defeat." --Jacques Chirac

          "In the case of France, you're right!" --Rush Limbaugh

          Comment


          • #6
            Two more!!

            "I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." -- General George S. Patton

            "We can stand here like the French, or we can do
            something about it." -- Marge Simpson

            Oh Marge, you yellow skinned, blue haired delight.
            "Aaah, the Luftwaffe, the Washington Senators of the History Channel."
            -- Homer J. Simpson

            Comment


            • #7
              www.blahblahblah.co.uk Doc. S.'s site, he's loaded with anti-french stuff just ask him, I'm surprised he hasn't harkened to the call of making fun of the french.
              The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. -Carl Jung

              Hell is other people. -Jean-Paul Sarte

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by BarcelonaBlom
                www.blahblahblah.co.uk Doc. S.'s site, he's loaded with anti-french stuff just ask him, I'm surprised he hasn't harkened to the call of making fun of the french.
                I didn't want anyone to think I was over-publicising my site.

                Yeah, I've got tons of the stuff. People send in French jokes. It's cool.

                Dr. S.
                Imagine a ball of iron, the size of the sun. And once a year a tiny sparrow brushes its surface with the tip of its wing. And when that ball of iron, the size of the sun, is worn away to nothing, your punishment will barely have begun.

                www.sinisterincorporated.co.uk

                www.tabletown.co.uk

                Comment


                • #9
                  How about this.

                  Dr. S.
                  Attached Files
                  Imagine a ball of iron, the size of the sun. And once a year a tiny sparrow brushes its surface with the tip of its wing. And when that ball of iron, the size of the sun, is worn away to nothing, your punishment will barely have begun.

                  www.sinisterincorporated.co.uk

                  www.tabletown.co.uk

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    And this one that someone sent me once.

                    I will stop here - I probably have an advantage over most other people when it comes to this sort of material.

                    Dr. S.
                    Attached Files
                    Imagine a ball of iron, the size of the sun. And once a year a tiny sparrow brushes its surface with the tip of its wing. And when that ball of iron, the size of the sun, is worn away to nothing, your punishment will barely have begun.

                    www.sinisterincorporated.co.uk

                    www.tabletown.co.uk

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. -Carl Jung

                      Hell is other people. -Jean-Paul Sarte

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Doctor Sinister
                        And this one that someone sent me once.

                        I will stop here - I probably have an advantage over most other people when it comes to this sort of material.

                        Dr. S.
                        You truly have us all beat...Keep up the good work. :demon:
                        "Aaah, the Luftwaffe, the Washington Senators of the History Channel."
                        -- Homer J. Simpson

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Doctor Sinister
                          How about this.

                          Dr. S.
                          Anyone notice that guy looks like Kerry?
                          The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. -Carl Jung

                          Hell is other people. -Jean-Paul Sarte

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            From the first to the last post, I just can't stop laughing. I'm laughing by myself and others will think I'm nuts!!!!
                            http://canadiangenealogyandresearch.ca

                            Soviet and Canadian medal collector!

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                            • #15
                              Doctor the Google thing is a website. http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/victories.html

                              speaking of French military defeats:

                              - Gallic Wars
                              - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

                              - Hundred Years War
                              - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.

                              - Italian Wars
                              - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

                              - Wars of Religion
                              - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

                              - Thirty Years War
                              - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

                              - War of Revolution
                              - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

                              - The Dutch War
                              - Tied

                              - War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
                              - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

                              - War of the Spanish Succession
                              - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

                              - American Revolution
                              - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

                              - French Revolution
                              - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

                              - The Napoleonic Wars
                              - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

                              - The Franco-Prussian War
                              - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

                              - World War I
                              - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

                              - World War II
                              - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

                              - War in Indochina
                              - Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

                              - Algerian Rebellion
                              - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

                              - War on Terrorism
                              - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

                              The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

                              "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."

                              Or, better still, the quote from last week's Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you."
                              The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. -Carl Jung

                              Hell is other people. -Jean-Paul Sarte

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