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  • devil jokes

    The Devil walks into a crowded bar.

    Within seconds the bar emptied with people running out screaming all over the place, all except for one old man leaned over the bar.

    The Devil wanders across to the old man and says "Do you know who I am?" The old man took another sip of his beer and answered "Yep"

    The Devil stared at the old man and asked "Well aren't you afraid of me?" The old boy looks the Devil up and down for a minute and shrugs "I married your sister 40 years ago, why the hell should I be scared of you?"




    One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil...

    Satan: Why so glum?
    Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell!

    Satan: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?
    Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

    Satan: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Diet Tab and Fresca ... we drink 'til we throw up and then we drink some more! And we don't worry about getting a hangover because we're dead anyway.
    Guy: Gee, that sounds great!

    Satan: You a smoker?
    Guy: You better believe it!!

    Satan: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer -- no biggie, you're already dead, remember?
    Guy: Wow...that's awesome!

    Satan: I bet you like to gamble.
    Guy: Why yes, as a matter of fact, I do.
    Satan: Cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt ... you're dead anyhow.

    Satan: What about drugs?
    Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...
    Satan: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares.

    Guy: WOW! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!

    Satan: You gay?
    Guy: Hell no...

    Satan: Ooooh (grimaces), then you're gonna hate Fridays.





    After five years of toil at a Wall Street law firm, an associate was burning the midnight oil at his office. Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and a tower of smoke burst from the floor. Satan stepped out of the smoke, and addressed the lawyer:

    "I understand you'd give absolutely anything to make partner," said the devil, "So I've come here to make you an offer. I'll make you a partner, but in return I will take the souls of your wife, your parents, your children, your grandchildren, and all of your friends."

    The lawyer looked strangely puzzled, and thought hard for several minutes. Finally, he turned to Satan and asked, "What's the catch?"
    Never Fear the Event

    Admiral Lord Nelson

  • #2
    I heard the second one before but with a different ending. I'll look for it and post it, but these were still funny as hell.
    "You can tell a lot about a fella's character by whether he picks out all of one color or just grabs a handful." -explaining why Reagan liked to have a jar of jelly beans on hand for important meetings

    CO for 1st S.INC Shock Security Troop

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