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Twenty corny jokes

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  • Twenty corny jokes

    I give you not one but twenty corny jokes, thanks should go to my son but I will accept the rep points on his behalf.

    * I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up for a date but she'd popped her clogs.

    * I rang up the telephone company. I said: "I want to report a nuisance caller." He said: "Not you again."

    * "My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that."

    * When Susan's boyfriend proposed, she said: "I love the simple things in life but I don't want one of them for my husband."

    * I went to buy camouflage trousers but I couldn't find any.

    * Two fish in a tank. One says: "How do you drive this thing?"

    * A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to Spain and is named Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving it, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband said: "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

    * I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. I thought: "He's trying to pull a fast one."

    * My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed. I never knew they worked.

    * Went to the doctors and said: "Have you got anything for wind?" He gave me a kite.

    * A man walks into a bar with a roll of Tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."

    * I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already.

    * "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass Of Home." He said: "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" I asked. "It's not unusual," he replied.

    * Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The reception was brilliant.

    * Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.

    * I said to the gym instructor: "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said: "How flexible are you?" I said: "I can't make Tuesdays."

    * A young blonde fears her husband is having an affair. She goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she finds him in bed with a redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps off the bed and starts begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically, the blonde responds to the husband: "Shut up, you're next."

    * A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

    * Went to the zoo. There was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.

    * A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

    The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
    War is less costly than servitude

  • #2
    Originally posted by Kendrick View Post

    * Two fish in a tank. One says: "How do you drive this thing?"
    My friend showed me this picture

    God didnít create evil. Evil is the result of when man does not have God's love in his heart.It's the cold when there is no heat.The darkness that comes when there is no light

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    • #3
      My favourites from your son's selection:

      * My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed. I never knew they worked.


      * I went to buy camouflage trousers but I couldn't find any.


      Philip
      "The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts."ó Bertrand Russell

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