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Flying Funnies

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  • Flying Funnies

    'It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.'
    - US. Air Force Manual
    'Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death , I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 50,000 Feet and Climbing.'
    'You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.'
    - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
    'The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.'
    'If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.'
    'When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.'
    'Even with ammunition, the U.S. Air Force is just another expensive flying club.'
    'What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
    If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, .... The pilot dies.'
    'Never trade luck for skill.'
    The three most common expressions (or famous last words), in aviation are:
    'Why is it doing that?' 'Where are we?' And ...'Oh S...!'
    'Airspeed, altitude and brains.
    Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.'
    'Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; We have never left one up there!'
    'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.'
    'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.'
    - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
    Airman, maintain thy air speed, lest the earth rise up and smite you!
    'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peace time.'
    Sign over the Squadron Ops. Desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ,
    'If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.'
    'You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.'
    As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing.
    The crash truck arrives; the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, 'What happened?'
    The pilot's reply: 'I don't know, I just got here myself!'
    - Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)
    The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. Thomas Jefferson.

  • #2
    "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

    (P) = Problem (S) = Solution

    (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement

    (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire

    (P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough

    (S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

    (P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid

    (S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

    (P) Something loose in cockpit

    (S) Something tightened in cockpit

    (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear

    (S) Evidence removed

    (P) DME volume unbelievably loud

    (S) Volume set to more believable level

    (P) Dead bugs on windshield

    (S) Live bugs on order

    (P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent

    (S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

    (P) IFF inoperative

    (S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode (IFF-Identification Friend or Foe)

    (P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick

    (S) That's what they're there for

    (P) Number three engine missing

    (S) Engine found on right wing after brief search

    (P) Aircraft handles funny

    (S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious

    (P) Target Radar hums

    (S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics

    Credo quia absurdum.

    Quantum mechanics describes nature as absurd from the point of view of common sense. And yet it fully agrees with experiment. So I hope you can accept nature as She is - absurd! - Richard Feynman


    • #3
      Both nice!

      For those on the ground, read

      SGT, 210th MP Battalion, 2nd MP BDE, MSSG

      Fervently PRO-TRUMP, anti-Islam and anti-Steelers!


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