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Things that a dog must try to remember

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  • Things that a dog must try to remember

    Things Dogs Must Try To Remember....


    I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
    toilet.

    The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

    I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

    I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

    I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

    I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

    I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in
    the house when I am about to throw up.

    I will not throw up in the car.

    I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

    I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

    "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

    I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

    The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

    I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

    I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

    I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my
    people will think I am hemorrhaging.

    When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

    We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

    I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

    The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.

    My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

    I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's
    driver's license and car registration.
    Minister Of Propaganda For Sinister Inc.

    "Look! The enemy is inviting us to defeat them! We must oblige them!"

  • #2


    Stop! Stop! It's too funny! Stop!

    "You realize that if I could actually purchase a weapon, I would stab you with it now?" --Roy, Order of the Stick #136

    Governor of South Florida, Cuba, Louisiana, Manhattan, Hawaii, Illinois, Moon and Mars. Chief of Cybernetics Div., S.INC

    Comment


    • #3
      Got one for Cats?

      Dr. S.
      Imagine a ball of iron, the size of the sun. And once a year a tiny sparrow brushes its surface with the tip of its wing. And when that ball of iron, the size of the sun, is worn away to nothing, your punishment will barely have begun.

      www.sinisterincorporated.co.uk

      www.tabletown.co.uk

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Things that a dog must try to remember

        Originally posted by Stage
        Things Dogs Must Try To Remember....


        I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
        toilet.

        The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

        I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

        I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

        I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

        I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

        I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in
        the house when I am about to throw up.

        I will not throw up in the car.

        I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

        I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

        "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

        I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

        The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

        I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

        I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

        I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my
        people will think I am hemorrhaging.

        When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

        We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

        I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

        The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.

        My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

        I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's
        driver's license and car registration.
        I am licensed in doggie psychiatry.
        Mens Est Clavis Victoriae
        (The Mind Is The Key To Victory)

        Comment


        • #5
          Good one. :thumb:

          Comment


          • #6
            I once had a dog named Murphy who should have read this list. He was a true artist. He once ate during one night a bunch of tinfoil, the red plastic the Sunday paper weekend incert comes in and a green vinyl sleeping bag. The result were tri color turds suitable for use as Christmas tree ornaments.

            Just a short list of some other things he consumed.....

            Multiple rubber bands
            Band-aids, including their wrappers
            An entire jar (200 count) of "doggie breath mints"
            A wisk broom
            Popcycle sticks
            Lance W.

            Peace through superior firepower.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Lance Williams
              I once had a dog named Murphy who should have read this list. He was a true artist. He once ate during one night a bunch of tinfoil, the red plastic the Sunday paper weekend incert comes in and a green vinyl sleeping bag. The result were tri color turds suitable for use as Christmas tree ornaments.

              Just a short list of some other things he consumed.....

              Multiple rubber bands
              Band-aids, including their wrappers
              An entire jar (200 count) of "doggie breath mints"
              A wisk broom
              Popcycle sticks
              He probably saved you taking out the trash a few times though.

              Dr. S.
              Imagine a ball of iron, the size of the sun. And once a year a tiny sparrow brushes its surface with the tip of its wing. And when that ball of iron, the size of the sun, is worn away to nothing, your punishment will barely have begun.

              www.sinisterincorporated.co.uk

              www.tabletown.co.uk

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Doctor Sinister
                He probably saved you taking out the trash a few times though.

                Dr. S.
                Let's just say it was always an adventure into the unknown when you took him out for a walk.
                Lance W.

                Peace through superior firepower.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Stage
                  Things Dogs Must Try To Remember....


                  I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
                  toilet.

                  The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

                  I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

                  I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

                  I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

                  I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

                  I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in
                  the house when I am about to throw up.

                  I will not throw up in the car.

                  I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

                  I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

                  "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

                  I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

                  The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

                  I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

                  I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

                  I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my
                  people will think I am hemorrhaging.

                  When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

                  We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

                  I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

                  The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.

                  My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

                  I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's
                  driver's license and car registration.
                  LMAO too funny, can't breath.
                  All warfare is based on deception.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    We have four dogs. Stage has only barely scratched the surface...

                    I wish one of my big dogs could remember this:

                    The things in the backyard do not belong in the living room. And if we wanted the sofa pillows in the backyard, we would have put them there.

                    One of the Chihuahuas needs to learn this:

                    Digging a hole under the fence to confront the neighbor's Rotweiler about his loud barking...BAD IDEA!

                    I often feel like one of the German guards in The Great Escape...always looking for tunnels.
                    Watts Up With That? | The world's most viewed site on global warming and climate change.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Just because I kicked the rock out from in front of the mower does not mean I want you to put it somewhere else in the yard.

                      Just because the kitty at home is friendly does not mean other outdoor kitties are nice.

                      We have a shredder for shredding paper, you don't have to do it for us.

                      Sometimes the good things mom and dad eat are not good things for the dog to eat, ie. jalepenoes.
                      If you can't set a good example, be a glaring warning.

                      Comment

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