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  • WWII as PC Game

    GERMANY AWAITS AS BRITISH FINISH TURN

    The wermacht advance ground to a sudden halt yesterday afternoon as its movement allotment was used up. Now the world watches on as turn-based British forces slowly move each and every unit, with the Americans and Soviets expected to move later this evening. "We've got our whole next move all planned out," said Field Marshall Runstadt, expressing that he and the German people were eager to get to go again.

    ALLIED COMMANDOS STRIKE VALUABLE SPAWN POINTS

    A combined airborne and ground forces assault yesterday secured six valuable respawn points all along the Belgian coast, say our sources at the front. The new spawn points will accelerate the march to the Rhine by enabling soldiers killed at the front to start from Belgium instead of back in France. Reports of German snipers staying behind to camp the freshly acquired respawn points are unconfirmed.

    OCCUPIED FRANCE: COULD DSL BE THE ANSWER?

    Next: We will fight them on the servers! We will fight them on a LAN!

    STALIN FRANTICALLY CLICKS "BUILD TANK" BUTTON

    The Soviet leader expressed dismay that the Germans were so close to his base, and made a nationwide call for his little peons to build those factories faster.

    EVA BRAUN PICKS UP PHONE DURING
    BATTLE OF ARDENNES, SEVERING CONNECTION.
    OFFENSIVE HALTED; HITLER PISSED

    Beaten down in confusion after the largest German assault this year, Allied troops were relieved to find a blinking phone-jack icon upon investigation of the sudden unexplained disappearance of their foe.

    U.S. ARMY DISSOLVED IN FAVOR OF
    SMALL UNITS OF SPECIALLY TRAINED HEROES
    ASSIGNED TO DANGEROUS MISSIONS WITH
    THE ODDS STACKED AGAINST THEM

    Citing the success of suicide missions embarked on by small groups of highly-trained volunteers, the U.S. Army was disbanded yesterday in a bold move to strike nowhere but behind the enemy lines. Germany has responded by ordering all of its soldiers to spread out and look slowly from side in observable patterns.

    WAR DEPARTMENT ORDERS STRICT RATIONING OF CHEETOS AND BEER

    Next: A Day that will live in 1nf4my.

    (graphic ad) THIS WEEKS BOMBING OF PEARL HARBOUR SPONSORED BY THE FLIGHTMASTER XL (PIC OF HIROHITO) "TO FLY WITH ANYTHING LESS IS DISHONOUR"

    FRANCE ASKS FOR "DO OVER"

    Claiming that the Germans "totally tank-rushed us" at the beginning of the war "like a bunch of little bitches", France made a plea to the nations of the world to start the war over. "We're not trying to be sore," they claimed. "We're just saying it would be more fun for everyone if we all got to play."

    TIME FOR BED;
    ROOSEVELT PLEADS "JUST FIVE MORE MINUTES"

    SOVIETS REFUSE TO FIGHT BATTLE OF LENINGRAD
    UNLESS THEY GET TO PLAY AS RED

    As seen above, the Soviets finally agreed to fight out the siege only after they were assured that they could play as red this time. "We always play red, it's so confusing when we join a server as blue or yellow or something," Zhokov said, citing that time in the Crimea when Soviet Troops defended an enemy base for ten minutes in confusion.

    CHURCHILL CLAIMS: "NEVER BEFORE HAVE SO MANY
    OWED SO MUCH TO SUCH A LOW PING."

    Next: VE Day on Your PC

    GERMAN ASSAULT ON STALINGRAD STALLED
    ON DISCOVERY OF ROOM AFTER ROOM FILLED WITH CRATES

    "What the hell is this?" German high-command proclaimed yesterday as the gruesome battle of Stalingrad drew on. "Every level is the same thing, a big warehouse filled with crates and bad guys. Then, there's always these big doors, but the switch to open them is on the other side of the level. Like, DUDE, who designs these factories anyways?" Many German soldiers, tired and freezing from the cold, refused to advance if they discovered yet another jumping puzzle.

    U.S. NAVY QUICK-SAVING ACROSS THE PACIFIC

    "WTF?" Japanese officials announced. "It's like every time we so much as damage a carrier they jab the F7 key to reload." Navy statistics confirm at least 16 separate save-game files for the battle of Midway alone. "We take no chances," Admiral Nimitz emphasized.

    GERMAN HIGH COMMAND ORDERS INCREASED PRODUCTION
    OF ZOMBIE NAZI NINJAS WHO SHOOT LIGHTNING BOLTS
    FROM THEIR STOMACH

    As the Allies race across the Rhine, the German nation seeks to slow their advance with an increased reliance on the undead. "We have plenty of raw materials sitting in the trenches," explained an unnamed labcoat-wearing German scientist with an eyepatch and robotic hand. "Our new invincible force of ninja zombies can only be killed with rockets and grenades. We plan to strategically scatter them throughout darkened bunkers littered with health and ammunition." He then tossed back his head and cackled malevolently in time with a horrifying crack of thunder.
    "When I am abroad I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the Government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home."

    Winston Churchill

  • #2
    Re: WWII as PC Game

    Originally posted by Shane Sohnle




    FRANCE ASKS FOR "DO OVER"

    Claiming that the Germans "totally tank-rushed us" at the beginning of the war "like a bunch of little bitches", France made a plea to the nations of the world to start the war over. "We're not trying to be sore," they claimed. "We're just saying it would be more fun for everyone if we all got to play."

    outta 5

    I tell you what I woke up the house laughing to those... The tank rush is the best barely, I love em all!!!!
    The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. -Carl Jung

    Hell is other people. -Jean-Paul Sarte

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: WWII as PC Game

      Originally posted by Shane Sohnle
      GERMANY AWAITS AS BRITISH FINISH TURN



      GERMAN HIGH COMMAND ORDERS INCREASED PRODUCTION
      OF ZOMBIE NAZI NINJAS WHO SHOOT LIGHTNING BOLTS
      FROM THEIR STOMACH

      As the Allies race across the Rhine, the German nation seeks to slow their advance with an increased reliance on the undead. "We have plenty of raw materials sitting in the trenches," explained an unnamed labcoat-wearing German scientist with an eyepatch and robotic hand. "Our new invincible force of ninja zombies can only be killed with rockets and grenades. We plan to strategically scatter them throughout darkened bunkers littered with health and ammunition." He then tossed back his head and cackled malevolently in time with a horrifying crack of thunder.

      Doc S Reference.... Nice!
      The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. -Carl Jung

      Hell is other people. -Jean-Paul Sarte

      Comment


      • #4
        Extra points!
        "When I am abroad I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the Government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home."

        Winston Churchill

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Re: WWII as PC Game

          Originally posted by BarcelonaBlom
          Doc S Reference.... Nice!
          Heh heh heh, classic.

          Fab' list Shane. Love the "Commandos" reference too.

          Dr. S.
          Imagine a ball of iron, the size of the sun. And once a year a tiny sparrow brushes its surface with the tip of its wing. And when that ball of iron, the size of the sun, is worn away to nothing, your punishment will barely have begun.

          www.sinisterincorporated.co.uk

          www.tabletown.co.uk

          Comment


          • #6
            no army of deadly fembots??
            Govenour Of Texas and all southern provinces. Kepper Of The Holy Woodchipper.

            Comment


            • #7
              Only in my dreams, sigh!
              "When I am abroad I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the Government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home."

              Winston Churchill

              Comment


              • #8
                Hahahaha that was damn near one of the funniest things I've ever seen on this board!

                Actually, I think it might be the funniest thing I've seen on this board.

                A Day that will live in 1nf4my.
                “To discriminate against a thoroughly upright citizen because he belongs to some particular church, or because, like Abraham Lincoln, he has not avowed his allegiance to any church, is an outrage against that liberty of conscience which is one of the foundations of American life.”

                Comment


                • #9
                  I'll work on it, it sounds like a challenge!
                  "When I am abroad I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the Government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home."

                  Winston Churchill

                  Comment

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