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Bush Speech?

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  • Bush Speech?

    My fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of
    Iraq's regime has been completed. Since congress does
    not want to spend any more money on this war, our
    mission in Iraq is complete. This morning I gave the
    order for a complete removal of all American forces
    from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30
    days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.

    Before me, I have two lists. List 1 contains the names
    of countries which have stood by our side during the
    Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom,
    Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the cuntries listed there. List 2 contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list.
    My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

    Let me start by saying that effective immediately,
    foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases
    immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during
    the first year alone will pretty much pay for the
    costs of the Iraqi war. The American people are no
    longer going to pour money into third world hell-holes
    and watch those government leaders grow fat on

    Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic?
    Call France. In the future, together with Congress, I
    will work to redirect this money toward solving the
    vexing social problems we still have at home.

    To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys.
    Work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David
    is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for
    negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big
    tables, too.

    I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic
    relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for
    all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as
    well. Bon chance, mes amis.

    I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin
    towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in
    Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to
    sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded
    and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty
    pertains to this. You creeps have 10's of thousands of
    unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch
    your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned
    over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I
    love New York.

    A special note to our neighbors - Canada on List 2,
    Since we are going to be seeing a lot more of each
    other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off
    for a change.

    And to Mexico, also on List 2, President Fox and your
    entire corrupt government really need an attitude
    adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and
    infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I'm
    gonna put 'em? Yep, border security. So start doing
    something with your oil. Oh, by the way, the United
    States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty---starting now.
    Were tired of the one way highway. It is time for
    America to focus on its own welfare and its own

    Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them be
    saying darn tootin'. Nearly a century of trying to
    help folks live a decent life around the world has
    only earned us the undying enmity of just about
    everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger
    in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in
    America. It is time to eliminate World Cup soccer from

    To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks
    guys. We owe you and we won't forget.
    To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Get lost.

    God bless America.

    Thank you and good night.

    "If you can read this, thank a teacher"

    "If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier"

    The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
    -Dorothy Parker
    I hate it when I see one of those road signs that says "Draw Bridge Ahead" and I don't have a pencil.
    -Lou Chiafullo

  • #2
    Yeah, away with World Cup Soccer in America!
    If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.


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