Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

McDonell Douglas questionare

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • McDonell Douglas questionare

    A QUICK QUESTION ABOUT YOUR NEW MILITARY AIRCRAFT PURCHASE
    This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas
    Website by an employee who obviously has a sense of humor. The
    company, of course, does not have a sense of humor, and made the
    web department take it down immediately (for once, the 'IMPORTANT'
    note at the end is worth a read too...):

    Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In
    order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to
    fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey
    questions is not required, but the information will help us to
    develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

    1.
    [_] Mr.
    [_] Mrs.
    [_] Ms.
    [_] Miss
    [_] Lt.
    [_] Gen.
    [_] Comrade
    [_] Classified
    [_] Other
    First Name: ............................................
    Initial: ........
    Last Name ............................................
    Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)
    Code Name: ............................................
    Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ...........................

    2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
    [_] F-14 Tomcat
    [_] F-15 Eagle
    [_] F-16 Falcon
    [_] F-117A Stealth
    [_] Classified

    3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 20..../..../....

    4. Serial Number: ...............................................

    5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
    [_] Received as gift / aid package
    [_] Catalogue / showroom
    [_] Independent arms broker
    [_] Mail order
    [_] Discount store
    [_] Government surplus
    [_] Classified

    6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas
    product you have just purchased:
    [_] Heard loud noise, looked up
    [_] Store display
    [_] Espionage
    [_] Family member works for KGB
    [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
    [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
    [_] Was attacked by one

    7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
    decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
    [_] Style / appearance
    [_] Speed / maneuverability
    [_] Price / value
    [_] Comfort / convenience
    [_] Kickback / bribe
    [_] Recommended by salesperson
    [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
    [_] Advanced Weapons Systems
    [_] Backroom politics
    [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

    8. Please indicate the location (s) where this product will be used:
    [_] North America
    [_] Iraq
    [_] South America
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Aircraft carrier
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Europe
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Middle East (not Iraq)
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Africa
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Asia / Far East
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Misc. Third World countries
    [_] Iraq
    [_] Classified
    [_] Iraq

    9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
    purchase in the near future:
    [_] Color TV
    [_] VCR
    [_] ICBM
    [_] Killer Satellite
    [_] CD Player
    [_] Air-to-Air Missiles
    [_] Space Shuttle
    [_] Home Computer
    [_] Nuclear Weapon

    10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
    [_] Communist / Socialist
    [_] Terrorist
    [_] Crazed
    [_] Neutral
    [_] Democratic
    [_] Dictatorship
    [_] Corrupt
    [_] Primitive / Tribal

    11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
    [_] Deficit spending
    [_] Cash
    [_] Suitcases of cocaine
    [_] Oil revenues
    [_] Personal cheque
    [_] Credit card
    [_] Ransom money
    [_] Traveler's cheque

    12. Your occupation:
    [_] Homemaker
    [_] Sales / marketing
    [_] Revolutionary
    [_] Clerical
    [_] Mercenary
    [_] General Secretary
    [_] Tyrant
    [_] Middle management
    [_] Eccentric billionaire
    [_] Defence Minister / General
    [_] Retired
    [_] Student

    13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the
    interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
    participating on a regular basis:
    [_] Golf
    [_] Boating / sailing
    [_] Sabotage
    [_] Running / jogging
    [_] Propaganda / misinformation
    [_] Destabilization / overthrow
    [_] Default on loans
    [_] Gardening
    [_] Crafts
    [_] Black market / smuggling
    [_] Collectibles purchased at www.BornInTheUSSR.com
    [_] Watching sports on TV
    [_] Wines
    [_] Interrogation / torture
    [_] Household pets
    [_] Crushing rebellions
    [_] Espionage / reconnaissance
    [_] Fashion clothing
    [_] Border disputes
    [_] Mutually Assured Destruction

    Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
    answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell
    Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to
    receive mailings and special offers from other companies,
    governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

    As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to
    win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
    Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
    McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
    Marketing Department
    Military Aerospace Division

    IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual
    addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is
    confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons
    with low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious
    beliefs.

    If you re not the intended recipient, any dissemination,
    distribution or copying of this email is not authorized (either
    explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas.

    Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context
    somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or
    no grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the
    transmission of this email, although the kelpie next door is living
    on borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with an overwhelming
    fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no
    hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just
    ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft.

    However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and
    your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets.
    If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and
    egg whites, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes.

    Thanks...
    Delegate, MN GOP.

    PATRIA SI, COMUNISMO NO

    http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/p...?id=1156276727

  • #2


    Did the guy get fired?
    "To know the weapons the enemy has is already to beat them!"

    http://www.anft.net/f-14/f14-photo-vf213-01l.jpg

    Comment


    • #3


      The guy must have been fired. Aircraft people are the most humorless in the world. They take their jobs very seriously.
      They're afraid a laugh could bring down a plane.

      -------------
      All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
      -Charlie Chaplin
      I hate it when I see one of those road signs that says "Draw Bridge Ahead" and I don't have a pencil.
      -Lou Chiafullo

      Comment


      • #4
        Did the guy get fired?
        I dont know,I stumbled apon it today and thought it worth sharing.
        Delegate, MN GOP.

        PATRIA SI, COMUNISMO NO

        http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/p...?id=1156276727

        Comment


        • #5
          I'm not laughing. I tried to buy fourteen squadrons of fighter planes from the US for the defence of my island base and they refused to deal with me on account of my "Human Rights" record and that it was against "Public Policy" (whatever that is) to deal with Supervillains.

          Apparently feeding people to sharks/piranhas/crocodiles/Dinosaurs is in breach of UN guidelines.

          Nobody told me. How was I supposed to know?

          So I got Saudi Arabia to buy the planes instead, and then they sold them on to me.

          Dr. S.
          Imagine a ball of iron, the size of the sun. And once a year a tiny sparrow brushes its surface with the tip of its wing. And when that ball of iron, the size of the sun, is worn away to nothing, your punishment will barely have begun.

          www.sinisterincorporated.co.uk

          www.tabletown.co.uk

          Comment


          • #6
            I just spewed coke on my laptop. That was hilarious. Same thing could be said about industrial security people. Ive known my boss since last August and Ive never seen him crack a smile. Even when I show him some crazy videos Ive downloaded. Maybe I shouldnt have downloaded them on the main computer server. :crazy:
            Govenour Of Texas and all southern provinces. Kepper Of The Holy Woodchipper.

            Comment


            • #7
              Very funny stuff. I swallowed my throat lozenge and almost choaked, but hey that's the risk you take with good material.....
              Lance W.

              Peace through superior firepower.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Doctor Sinister
                ...Apparently feeding people to sharks/piranhas/crocodiles/Dinosaurs is in breach of UN guidelines...
                Dr. S.

                You've got dinosaurs too? What species?

                That guy should be promoted; he probably got the company free publicity.
                "You realize that if I could actually purchase a weapon, I would stab you with it now?" --Roy, Order of the Stick #136

                Governor of South Florida, Cuba, Louisiana, Manhattan, Hawaii, Illinois, Moon and Mars. Chief of Cybernetics Div., S.INC

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Bariman
                  You've got dinosaurs too? What species?
                  Well we had an enhanced breed of Allosaur - about twelve of them in total. This was some twenty or so years ago. They had been trained to be even more aggressive than their normal instinct would allow. They were quite literally, insane. We kitted them out with Kevlar body armour and a sort of "helmet" that allowed us to control them remotely with a series of plugs and wires jacked straight into their tiny brains.

                  We had plans to equip some of them with gatling guns as a sort of "Heavy Weapons" squad, but we never got that far. One evening, there was an accident with the mind-control array and they got loose. They went a bit mental, totally trashed the main base and we barely got out with our lives. I lost my eye when one of the blighters picked me up in its mouth and tried to bite my head off. I used my laser-arm to kill it.

                  In the end, once we had got far enough away from the main base, we had to fire off some low-yield shoulder-launched tactical battlefield nukes to finish the brutes off. There's just a big crater now where the main base used to be. Fortunately, my island base is pretty big so we just relocated to another spot. We lost quite a few of our top scientists though.

                  This was the first time (of two) that my main base got totally wiped out.

                  Sigh.

                  Dr. S.
                  Imagine a ball of iron, the size of the sun. And once a year a tiny sparrow brushes its surface with the tip of its wing. And when that ball of iron, the size of the sun, is worn away to nothing, your punishment will barely have begun.

                  www.sinisterincorporated.co.uk

                  www.tabletown.co.uk

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Doctor Sinister
                    ...This was the first time (of two) that my main base got totally wiped out.

                    Sigh.

                    Dr. S.

                    Would the other time be from Prof. Saintly? (You DID remember to search his pockets for Lead-Away before stuffing him in the lead coffin, right? Right?)
                    "You realize that if I could actually purchase a weapon, I would stab you with it now?" --Roy, Order of the Stick #136

                    Governor of South Florida, Cuba, Louisiana, Manhattan, Hawaii, Illinois, Moon and Mars. Chief of Cybernetics Div., S.INC

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      (I know I'll regret this...)

                      And the first time was?
                      "When I am abroad I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the Government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home."

                      Winston Churchill

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Bariman
                        Would the other time be from Prof. Saintly? (You DID remember to search his pockets for Lead-Away before stuffing him in the lead coffin, right? Right?)
                        Well, at the risk of hijacking another thread, I can confirm that Professor Saintly was directly responsible for wiping out my operations the second time it happened.

                        He's managed to attack several of my peripheral bases at various times, but this was his one and only attack on S.INC Island itself.

                        Him and his accursed TSI Team Alpha managed to infiltrate the Command Centre and set several explosive charges before some of my Goons found them trying to hotwire one of my private Helicopters. He got away before we realised that the base was going to blow. I had to use my Escape Pod. My Goons weren't so successful, but they get paid to die, so I didn't feel too bad.

                        However, I did lose all of my pet sharks and I was quite upset about that for some time. In addition, my plans to release an Anti-French genetic plague were foiled with only minutes to spare.

                        As for the "Lead-Away" question, I made damn sure he had nothing in his pockets - in fact, I made sure he couldn't even get to his pockets at all because I wrapped him in twenty metres of clingfilm before I buried him.



                        Dr. S.
                        Imagine a ball of iron, the size of the sun. And once a year a tiny sparrow brushes its surface with the tip of its wing. And when that ball of iron, the size of the sun, is worn away to nothing, your punishment will barely have begun.

                        www.sinisterincorporated.co.uk

                        www.tabletown.co.uk

                        Comment

                        Latest Topics

                        Collapse

                        Working...
                        X