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The Minutes of a Recent AXIS OF EVIL MEETING

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  • The Minutes of a Recent AXIS OF EVIL MEETING

    The Minutes of a Recent AXIS OF EVIL MEETING
    _______________ -> _______________

    Location: Axis of Evil Headquarters.
    _______________ -> _______________

    Muammar Qadaffi: I call this meeting to order!
    All Members [ at once ]: All FOR ONE AND ALL FOR EVIL!
    Muammar Qadaffi: Time for attendance.
    Saddam Hussein: present.
    Fidel Castro: present.
    Ali Khamanei: present.
    Gary Condit: present.
    Kim Jong ll: here.
    Saddam: how come you get to say "here" when everyone
    else says "present?"
    Kim Jong ll: What are you talking about?
    Saddam: You know what I'm talking about. Every time we take
    attendance. Everyone else says "present." And you say "here."
    Muammar Qadaffi: Now, Saddam. We have business to take care
    Kim Jong ll: It's because that is what I say. I don't need to explain
    Saddam: You say it because you want to be special. "Look at me,
    I'm Kim Jong ll!" You always need to stand out. Who the heck
    has two l's at the end of his name, anyway? You think you are so
    Kim Jong ll: You are just jealous, Saddam.
    Saddam: Why because you get talks and gifts from the Americans,
    while I get nothing but troops up my butt and on every side of my
    Kim Jong ll: Yes. You are jealous, Saddam. Because you don't
    know how to handle the Bush.
    Saddam: That's crazy.
    Kim Jong ll: No, its true. You act wimpy, and they gather troops
    on your borders. I stood up to the infidels. That's why I get food
    and medicine, and I don't even have to disarm, really...I just have
    to maybe talk about disarming.
    Saddam: You don't have anything they want anyway! Your people
    don't have shoes.
    Kim Jong ll: Neither do your people.
    Saddam: That is correct. But the difference is, I could give
    them shoes. I just don't want to. Because I am TRULY evil.
    You are not. You are just cheap!
    Kim Jong ll [standing up]: I will not stand for this! My country
    is rich in culture and heritage!
    Saddam: Baghdad is rich. An ancient and beautiful city. Your
    country is nothing but poor trailer trash. Pyongyang - hah!
    It is like a freaking Eminem song.
    Kim Jong ll: Eminem - what is that?
    Saddam: You know, 8 mile road. Salem's Lot. Trash! Who
    would want to invade you anyway!
    Kim Jong ll: Why you...if there wasn't seven countries in
    between us I would invade you myself!
    Saddam: Yeah. Come over here and talk to the machete.
    Qadaffi: Please! People! This is ridiculous. How can we be
    truly evil if we fight among ourselves.
    Gary Condit - Muammar is right. We really need to put our
    heads together
    right now.
    Fidel Castro: You young kids don't know anything about
    anything, you are always fighting. There are other ways to
    get what you want. Why, I remember back in 1961.
    Saddam: Oh Freaking Allah! Do we have to listen to this
    crap! More of his stories of the good old days!
    Qadaffi: Alright, every one simmer. We are not going to
    get anywhere here if we keep this up. There is a very
    important issue. A member of the Axis is under threat
    of attack, with armies of the Great Infidel at its borders.
    What are we going to do?
    Khamanei: I've got it!
    Qadaffi: Yes.
    Khamanei: We will build a large and mighty army that will
    swarm our enemies!
    Qadaffi: How?
    Khamanei: We will surround them and sweep them up!
    Qadaffi: Do you have any plan that is more, eh. specific.
    Khamanei: Yes. We will attack them from both the front and
    the back - we will envelop them. And by the might of Allah,
    we will win.
    Qadaffi: How are we going to pay for this army?
    Saddam: Well, I was hoping the Axis could kick in a little.
    Gary Condit: I'm afraid things do not look good. We've depleted
    most of the Enron bank accounts. There's not much left. A
    couple of tanks, maybe.
    Kim Jong ll: Why doesn't he pay for his own army!
    Fidel Castro: That's right. He has all that oil. I have made do
    with nothing but sugar and rice for all these years.
    Gary Condit: Well, they do have a point. I mean don't you have
    oil revenues we could tap into?
    Saddam: Well, I did..but most of its already spoken for. I kind
    of ran up the credit cards since the Gulf War.
    Gary Condit: Jeez!
    Saddam: I needed a new palace. And a few new airplanes. And
    perhaps a few CDs.
    Gary Condit: CDs?
    Saddam: Yes. A few hundred thousand. There was so much
    good music in the 80's. Kick-ass tunes. I needed to smuggle
    it in.
    Gary Condit: Well there must be a cheaper way to take care
    of this.
    Saddam: There is another way. Right not there are the
    Belgians in my country, inspecting. And that is good. The
    more they are there, the more time we have.
    Qadaffi: Yes.
    Saddam: We must keep them there. The longer they are there,
    the more time we have for the world to get angry at The Bush.
    Qadaffi: Already the French and the Germans turn against him.
    Saddam: They want to become as strong as the American Bully.
    They want the power.
    Qadaffi: We must show them they could become very, very big
    if they turn against the Infidel.
    Gary Condit: The call of evil is strong. It can overtake them
    easily. In time, we may be able to get these nations to join
    the Axis.
    Saddam: If we can delay these inspectors - maybe a month or two.
    Qadaffi: This is a positive development. But we must take the
    details to subcommittee. Right now, its time for lunch!
    Saddam: Pizza?
    Qadaffi: No. Chinese.
    Saddam: I was hoping for pizza. The Chinese always tastes like
    ALL [at once]: All for one and all for evil!
    "Lord... forgive me my actions, speech and thoughts. Because, Lord, I am seriously going to kick some unrighteous ass in Your Name, Amen."
    Princess of Wands by John Ringo (Jan 2006)

  • #2
    Will Chirac and Schröder be making a guest appearance at the next meeting?
    Last edited by Chuck?; 30 Jan 03, 23:00.
    "There is no great genius without some touch of madness."

    Seneca (5 BC - 65 AD)


    • #3
      Originally posted by Chuck
      Will Chirac and Schröder be making a guess appearance at the next meeting?
      I could understand that question if this was a spoken joke, but evel and weasal look nothing alike.
      "Lord... forgive me my actions, speech and thoughts. Because, Lord, I am seriously going to kick some unrighteous ass in Your Name, Amen."
      Princess of Wands by John Ringo (Jan 2006)


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