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  • Being A Parent Means...

    Been meaning to start this thread for a few days now, finally getting around to it. I think Dr. S' thread got me thinking, and wanting to post some light-hearted stuff to help cheer me up.

    A little over three years ago, I did not have any children. My wife, pregnant at the time, and I attended our hospital's childbirth and post-natal education classes. The idea was to describe what first time parents could expect life to be like when the new baby comes home.

    Heh.

    Now those of you who have military combat experience surely know that you can study warfare and practice warfare and make plans all day long... but there is absolutely nothing that can prepare you for what combat is really like. In much the same way, I have found that the so-called "classes" left a lot of stuff out.

    I thought it might be fun for those of us who have kids to post little snippets of those "unexpected" moments that they bring... so that those who do not have any children (yet) might see what they have to look forward to (or are missing out on). And for those of us who do have kids to take comfort in knowing that we're not alone.

    So... fill in the blank: Being a parent means _________________.

    I'll start:

    - Standing in the shower with a head full of shampoo, trying to talk a 3 year old through remembering how to wipe his own bum after going potty.

    - Saying combinations of words you never thought you would have to, like "stop chewing on the carpet" or "take that banana out of your shoe".

    - Though you may be dead tired, staying awake and staring at your newborn baby sleeping. Then panicking when he moves slightly ("Oh my god! What's he doing?!") --OR-- panicking when he doesn't move at all (Oh my god! Is he still breathing?!").

    - Being relieved when, in a restaurant, another family with kids arrives and sits next to you. (Because it means that if your kids are noisy, you probably won't bother them --AND-- because it means that your kids now aren't the only noisy ones in the place.)

    - Seeing crying/screaming babies/kids in public places (stores, public transit, restaurants, etc...) and feeling *bad* for the parents instead of getting angry, wondering why they don't make their kids be quiet.

    - Finding dried-up raisins and/or cheerios in every single room in your house and in every vehicle you own. Note that this is an ongoing situation, no matter how many you pick up and dispose of.

    - Knowing what's in the great green room.

    - Being absolutely shocked at how limp and squishy a newborn baby is, and being equally shocked at how roughly the hospital staff seem to handle them.

    Hm... I could probably go on, but I'll shush for now and let others chime in if they like.

    Oh, what else has parenting on my brain? Wifey and I are expecting #3 sometime in the spring. Here's hoping it's a little girl.
    "I am not an atomic playboy."
    Vice Admiral William P. Blandy

  • #2
    Being a parent means...while standing on the front porch with your 3 year old his grandmother and most of the In-Laws, a neighbor brat walks by with his parents and sticks his tongue out at your little boy and he replies by flipping him the bird...you don't freak out, but try to swiftly shield it from Grandma's view. (And no, he didn't learn it from me!)
    "Every man should be his own Guru; every woman her own Gurette" ...Ed Abbey

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    • #3
      Being a parent means that a trip to the grocery store with your spouse counts as a date...

      Being a parent means you don't know anything (according to your kids once they hit puberty)...

      It means that from they day they're born, you start to prepare yourself for the time your kids are ready to leave you.
      Love. Where does it come from?
      from The Thin Red Line

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Dolley View Post
        Being a parent means that a trip to the grocery store with your spouse counts as a date...

        Being a parent means you don't know anything (according to your kids once they hit puberty)...

        It means that from they day they're born, you start to prepare yourself for the time your kids are ready to leave you.
        You got that right Dolley. But you might be proud as hell to see them on their own. I am.
        If stupid was a criminal offense Sea Lion believers would be doing life.

        Shouting out to Half Pint for bringing back the big mugs!

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Wustenfuchs View Post
          Being a parent means...while standing on the front porch with your 3 year old his grandmother and most of the In-Laws, a neighbor brat walks by with his parents and sticks his tongue out at your little boy and he replies by flipping him the bird...you don't freak out, but try to swiftly shield it from Grandma's view. (And no, he didn't learn it from me!)
          Nice. that is original. I wish I could teach my cousin's son to do that sometimes but she would probably beat the crap out of me (verbal and maybe literally). I am not a parent (not even an adult yet) but this sort of reminds me of my 5 year old cousin who had to have a parent-principal conference because me got into too many fist fights with his best friends.

          Matt
          "We Will Stay Here, If We Must All Go to Hell Together"
          -Col. John R. Cooke, 27th NC

          Avatar: My Grandfather on the right. His twin on the left. Their older brother in the middle. In their Navy Blues

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          • #6
            No kids yet, but I'm enjoying this thread so far. I would imagine being a parent means that someone else has #1 spot in the priority list. I guess it also means you're a teacher, like it or not. If you've a boy that means you've to teach him why your team is the best one ever, even if they suck really bad right now. If you've a girl, than you've to teach her how to hit a pretender with a stick till wedding day.
            All warfare is based on deception.
            Sun Tzu - Art of war - Chapter One - Laying Plans


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            • #7
              I have never experienced combat and most likely never will. I think that's the only thing that could surpass what I'm about to type.
              Being a parent for me means experiencing real fear. I could handle anything, survive anything and endure anything except the suffering of my kids. They are the only thing I would kill for and one is still in the womb. Of course the universe always balances and with that fear comes an equal measure of joy.
              My car is a compost heap. My house looks as if an entropy bomb went off. My bathroom floor is ankle deep in water and so is my kitchen. I get about eight hours a week to do my own thing and I'm constantly underslept...
              And I wouldn't change it for anything in Heaven or Earth. I've never felt love this big, this powerful and this frightening. I'm a stay at home Dad and I just turned forty. I now know what I was born to do. Roll on number two (late Feb...a girl).
              The truth? You can't handle the truth! No truth handler you! I deride your truth handling abilities!
              Sideshow Bob.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Cap. Teancum View Post
                No kids yet, but I'm enjoying this thread so far. I would imagine being a parent means that someone else has #1 spot in the priority list. I guess it also means you're a teacher, like it or not. If you've a boy that means you've to teach him why your team is the best one ever, even if they suck really bad right now. If you've a girl, than you've to teach her how to hit a pretender with a stick till wedding day.
                Nah mate...if my son wants to barrack for the Bombers that's his poor taste.
                Peace.
                The truth? You can't handle the truth! No truth handler you! I deride your truth handling abilities!
                Sideshow Bob.

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                • #9
                  My wife and son (then age 5) were in the announcers/scoreboard control booth at a high school soccer game (girls, some kind of play off). The school principle ask my son Ian to turn off the booth light. He turns around and turns off the nearest switch. Suddenly you can hear the Principles voice over the speakers "IAN!!!!!!!!!" The soccer field goes black (it's late fall and around 1900 hours). My son had turned off the big field lights in mid kick. They're the Mercury-Vapor kind that even when warmed up take about 5 minutes to come back on........
                  “The time has come,” the Walrus said,
                  “To talk of many things:
                  Of shoes—and ships—and sealing-wax—
                  Of cabbages—and kings—
                  And why the sea is boiling hot—
                  And whether pigs have wings.”
                  ― Lewis Carroll

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                  • #10
                    Being a parent means ....

                    You finally learn what real programming is all about. Because your child will be as good as YOU make them. And it won't be anyone else's fault.

                    Seeing yourself as you really are, not as you THINK you are. Because your child will eventually be a reflection of what YOU really are.

                    You finally get to learn the meaning of life.

                    Learning the true meaning of responsibility.
                    Life is change. Built models for decades.
                    Not sure anyone here actually knows the real me.
                    I didn't for a long time either.

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                    • #11
                      ....stepping on the sharp edge of a lego at midnight as you go to let the dog out!
                      Welcome to the adult world. Kinda sucks when you have to be the responsible ones and take all the pot shots from the chagrined lefties and mongoloid celebrities, who don't know their collective posteriors from sound economic policy. - 98ZJUSMC

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Arkane View Post
                        ....stepping on the sharp edge of a lego at midnight as you go to let the dog out!
                        There should be a medical term for foot damage from lego......
                        “The time has come,” the Walrus said,
                        “To talk of many things:
                        Of shoes—and ships—and sealing-wax—
                        Of cabbages—and kings—
                        And why the sea is boiling hot—
                        And whether pigs have wings.”
                        ― Lewis Carroll

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                        • #13
                          When you prepare for a across country trip and your little angel of 3 tells you proudly that she has packed her own lunch. Then keeping your cool when you find out her lunch was made up of Gummi Bears and MM's and her lunch box was the slot in the tape deck.

                          Now she has two and I'm teaching them all that I know. Sweeet revenge

                          HP
                          "Ask not what your country can do for you"

                          Left wing, Right Wing same bird that they are killing.

                          you’re entitled to your own opinion but not your own facts.

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                          • #14
                            Another couple:

                            - Wishing heaping piles of agonizing death on toy manufacturers who create loud, flashing toys but NEGLECT to include an OFF switch! (So when you're putting stuff in the toy box at night when the kids have gone to bed, one errant toss sets 3 or 4 toys off at once in a frenzied, blinking cacophony....)

                            - Saying "No!" to a toddler several hundred times a day, then being surprised when he figures out what it means and yells it back to you when you tell him to do something.

                            - Changing a wet diaper, then watching your little one squat and grunt and fill up the brand new one right after you put him down. Then changing him again.

                            - Keeping a huge stockpile of every shape and size of battery on hand, for the aforementioned loud blinky toys. Because invariably, the favorite one will have the batteries die at 8:45pm on a Sunday evening.

                            - Trying to explain why it's not okay to drink bath water or eat the soap bubbles. Every night. Every night. Every freaking night.
                            "I am not an atomic playboy."
                            Vice Admiral William P. Blandy

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                            • #15
                              There goes the next 18 years of your life and even after that you will worry
                              " did I do the right thing or right information when -------------" .

                              Actually when I look at what kids are all protected from now I wonder how guys of my generation even got through child hood.....Born 1936 in Europe.

                              per ardua ad astra

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