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Have you ever considered your own epitaph

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  • Have you ever considered your own epitaph

    For some a morbid thought perhaps, but the idea does offer certain opportunities.

    I got to thinking about this one night after some friends were over and we ended up joking about this very topic. I decided I would like to end my existence the same way I lived my life, poking fun. The following day I convinced my horrified wife to agree to three requests upon the time of my death.

    1-Transfer onto our home answering machine the following pre-recorded message. "Hi, you have reached 555-5555. I can't come to the phone right now because I'm dead."

    2-In all published death notices those carrying my remains to the final resting place will be identified as "Paul Bearers."

    3-Upon my tombstone, inscribed close to the ground and barely visible though the grass as to require the reader to get very close, will be carved the following words: "Yo, you're kneeling on my chest!"
    ACG QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
    ¿Cualquier persona fija en el nude? Slug

  • #2
    cyberia,
    Your headstone should read, "Yo, you're kneeling on the chest of [insert childhood nickname here]

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    • #3
      My Epitaph.

      Yeah, I want to be cremated and have my ashes used as fertilizer for a new tree planted in a National Park. Sign would read.

      This tree is planted in Richard's Memory.
      This tree is planted in Richard.
      Do not let your dog pee on Richard and his tree.


      Eagles may fly; but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines!

      "I'm not expendable; I'm not stupid and I'm not going." - Kerr Avon, Blake's 7

      What didn't kill us; didn't make us smarter.

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      • #4
        Michelle ^^^^^ has now flown to heaven's gate,
        and as usual, we're sure she arrived ten minutes late.

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        • #5
          Sorry for the dust.

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          • #6
            "Where ever you go, there you are."
            If you can't set a good example, be a glaring warning.

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            • #7
              No grave . . .

              I plan to vanish with out a trace leaving a huge mystery in my wake. I'll turn up once or twice in odd places just to put people off my real trail.

              I might have to leave a cryptic note though. Something to base the made for TV movie on.
              Any metaphor will tear if stretched over too much reality.

              Questions about our site? See the FAQ.

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              • #8
                No...but I have written the ones for my parents.

                Since I have explicitly specified cremation and scattering on the winds, an epitaph has no relevance for me.
                Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes? Who is watching the watchers?

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                • #9
                  Good Grief Paul!! How do you think of this #@$# (stuff)! This one may go farther than your (Nothing to Read Here)

                  OK, there are the classics, W.C. Fields, "I'd rather be here than Philidelphia" and the various "bury me upside down". But for me ....hhmmm... gotta think about this.. I'll get back to ya.
                  My Avatar: Ivan W. Henderson Gunner/navigator B-25-26. 117 combat missions. Both Theaters. 11 confirmed kills. DSC.

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                  • #10
                    I want my last word to be "unquote".
                    Wisdom is personal

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                    • #11
                      Here I lie, completely uncaring.
                      Kept my money; no plans for sharing.

                      The wife is a nag; the kids are whiny.
                      So I got this gold casket, all bright and shiny.


                      What do you think?
                      Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes? Who is watching the watchers?

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                      • #12
                        I'd like mine to say. "Here lies John Bryan who died at 97 from injuries incurred after having been pushed out of a third story window, during a *****-house brawl." In smaller words it would say "All of the girls at 'Madam Ruth's' eagerly chipped-in for this monument."

                        Once a scoundral, always a scoundral!
                        "Profanity is but a linguistic crutch for illiterate motherbleepers"

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                        • #13
                          Here Lies (insert real name here)...

                          Killed While Traveling Thru Time...

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                          • #14
                            I have not thought of my own but I like Spike Milligan's:

                            I told you I was Ill!

                            Wolster

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by mmshell View Post
                              cyberia,
                              Your headstone should read, "Yo, you're kneeling on the chest of [insert childhood nickname here]
                              It will be written on a slip of paper in my back pocket. Dig it!
                              ACG QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
                              ¿Cualquier persona fija en el nude? Slug

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