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Please don't throw me in that briar patch!

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  • Please don't throw me in that briar patch!

    Did anyone with at least half a brain, and an ounce of cynicism not see this coming. So much for beating swords into plowshares...

    And now, a good ol' slave tale, for Rumsfeld, who is just adamant about us not needing any more money for the Pentagon coffers...

    Uncle Remus and Bre'r Rabbit

    "Well, I got you now, " Brer Fox said when he was able to catch his breath. "You floppy-eared, pom-pom-tailed good-for-nothing! I guess you know who's having rabbit for dinner this night!"

    Brer Rabbit would've turned around and looked at him if he could've unstuck his head. Didn't matter. He heard the drool in Brer Fox's voice and knew he was in a world of trouble.

    "You ain't gon' be going around through the community raising commotion anymore, Brer Rabbit. And it's your own fault too. Didn't nobody tell you to be so friendly with the Tar Baby. You stuck yourself on that Tar Baby without so much as an invitation. There you are and there you'll be until I get my fire started and my barbecue sauce ready."

    Brer Rabbit always got enough lip for anybody and everybody. He even told God once what He'd done wrong on the third day of Creation. This time, though Brer Rabbit talked mighty humble. "Well, Brer Fox. No doubt about it. You got me and no point in my saying that I would improve my ways if you spared me."

    "No point at all," Brer Fox agreed as he started gathering kindling for the fire.

    "I guess I'm going to be barbecue this day." Brer Rabbit sighed. "But getting barbecued is a whole lot better than getting thrown in the briar patch." He sighed again. "No doubt about it. Getting barbecued is almost a blessing compared to being thrown in that briar patch on the other side of the road. If you got to go, go in a barbecue sauce. That's what I always say. How much lemon juice and brown sugar you put in yours?"

    When Brer Fox heard this, he had to do some more thinking, because he wanted the worst death possible for that rabbit. "Now that I thinks on it, it's too hot to be standing over a hot fire. I think I'll hang you."

    Brer Rabbit shuddered. "Hanging is a terrible way to die! Just terrible! But I thank you for being so considerate. Hanging is better than being thrown in the briar patch."

    Brer Fox thought that over a minute. "Come to think of it, I can't hang you, 'cause I didn't bring my rope. I'll drown you in the creek over yonder."

    Brer Rabbit sniffed like he was about the cry. "No, no, Brer Fox. You know I can't stand water, but I guess drowning, awful as it is, is better than the briar patch."

    "I got it!" Brer Fox exclaimed. "I don't feel like dragging you all the way down to the creek. I got my knife right here. I'm going to skin you!" He pulled out his knife.

    Brer Rabbit's ears shivered. "That's all right, Brer Fox. It'll hurt something awful, but go ahead and skin me. Scratch out my eyeballs! Tear out my ears by the roots! Cut off my legs! Do what'nsoever you want to do with me, Brer Fox, but please, please, please! Don't throw me in that briar patch!"

    Brer Fox was convinced now that the worst thing he could do to Brer Rabbit was the very thing Brer Rabbit didn't want him to do. He snatched him off the Tar Baby and wound up his arm like he was trying to throw a fastball past Hank Aaron and chunked that rabbit across the road and smack dab in the middle of the briar patch.

    Brer Fox waited. Didn't hear a thing. He waited a little longer. Still no sound. And just about the time he decided he was rid of Brer Rabbit, just about the time a big grin started to spread across his face, he heard a little giggle.

    "Tee-hee! Tee-hee!" And the giggle broke into the loudest laughing you've ever heard.

    Brer Fox looked up to see Brer Rabbit sitting on top of the hill on the other side of the briar patch.

    Brer Rabbit waved. "I was born and raised in the briar patch, Brer Fox! Born and raised in the briar patch!" And he hopped on over the hill and out of sight.
    I have no problem at all with being proved wrong. Especially when being proved wrong leaves the world a better place, than being proved right...

  • #2
    With all the crying going on about the resources being used in Iraq and the debate of whether or not those forces are sufficent, it makes sense....

    You can't trashtalk Syria, Iran and North Korea about being states that support terrorists and have them take you seriously if these states watch CNN and hear about how close to the bottom of the barrel the military is for personnel. That will not do.

    You can't browbeat allies about this or that if you can't thump your chest like some testerone-poisoned man-ape about how your dick size is bigger than everyone else's (thanks, George Carlin) - if you can't prove you have the bigger dick by comparing troops, tanks, guns, etc.

    Yes, bring back that fine American institutition called 'the draft' and let's employ and train those pimply faced teens about what it takes to be a real American and truly serve their country.

    <tongue in cheek....and a dose of sardonic humor>

    Comment


    • #3
      JAMiAM - for the film rights for this oldie but goldie, I assume that Rumsfield is a shoe-in for 'Briar Rabbit'.

      And Saddam Hussein or Bin Laden as 'The Tar Baby'.....

      Comment


      • #4
        Of course, they say that nothing makes sense when it's not in the proper context. A fuller version of the story follows...

        Brer Rabbit and the Tar Baby

        Retold by Catharine Farrell from a story retold by Joel Chandler Harris


        One day Brer Fox thought of how Brer Rabbit had been cutting up his capers and bouncing around until he'd come to believe that he was the boss of the whole gang. Brer Fox thought of a way to lay some bait for that uppity Brer Rabbit.

        He went to work and got some tar and mixed it with some turpentine. He fixed up a contraption that he called a Tar-Baby. When he finished making her, he put a straw hat on her head and sat the little thing in the middle of the road. Brer Fox, he lay off in the bushes to see what would happen.

        Well, he didn't have to wait long either, 'cause by and by Brer Rabbit came pacing down the road--lippity-clippity, clippity-lippity--just as sassy as a jaybird. Brer Fox, he lay low. Brer Rabbit came prancing along until he saw the Tar-Baby and then he sat back on his hind legs like he was astonished. The Tar-Baby just sat there, she did, and Brer Fox, he lay low.

        "Good morning!" says Brer Rabbit, says he. "Nice weather we're having this morning," says he.

        Tar-Baby didn't say a word, and Brer Fox, he lay low.

        "How are you feeling this morning?" says Brer Rabbit, says he.

        Brer Fox, he winked his eye real slow and lay low and the Tar-Baby didn't say a thing.

        "What is the matter with you then? Are you deaf?" says Brer Rabbit, says he. "Cause if you are, I can holler louder," says he.

        The Tar-Baby stayed still and Brer Fox, he lay low.

        "You're stuck-up, that's what's wrong with you. You think you're too good to talk to me," says Brer Rabbit, says he. "And I'm going to cure you, that's what I'm going to do," says he.

        Brer Fox started to chuckle in his stomach, he did, but Tar-Baby didn't say a word.

        "I'm going to teach you how to talk to respectable folks if it's my last act," says Brer Rabbit, says he. "If you don't take off that hat and say howdy, I'm going to bust you wide open," says he.

        Tar-Baby stayed still and Brer Fox, he lay low.

        Brer Rabbit kept on asking her why she wouldn't talk and the Tar-Baby kept on saying nothing until Brer Rabbit finally drew back his fist, he did, and blip--he hit the Tar-Baby on the jaw. But his fist stuck and he couldn't pull it loose. The tar held him. But Tar-Baby, she stayed still, and Brer Fox, he lay low.

        "If you don't let me loose, I'm going to hit you again," says Brer Rabbit, says he, and with that he drew back his other fist and blap--he hit the Tar-Baby with the other hand and that one stuck fast too.

        Tar-Baby she stayed still, and Brer Fox, he lay low.

        "Turn me loose, before I kick the natural stuffing out of you," says Brer Rabbit, says he, but the Tar-Baby just sat there.

        She just held on and then Brer Rabbit jumped her with both his feet. Brer Fox, he lay low. Then Brer Rabbit yelled out that if that Tar-Baby didn't turn him loose, he was going to butt her crank-sided. Then he butted her and his head got stuck.

        Brer Fox walked out from behind the bushes and strolled over to Brer Rabbit, looking as innocent as a mockingbird.

        "Howdy, Brer Rabbit," says Brer Fox, says he. "You look sort of stuck up this morning," says he. And he rolled on the ground and laughed and laughed until he couldn't laugh anymore.

        By and by he said, "Well, I expect I got you this time, Brer Rabbit," says he. "Maybe I don't, but I expect I do. You've been around here sassing after me a mighty long time, but now it's the end.

        And then you're always getting into something that's none of your business," says Brer Fox, says he. "Who asked you to come and strike up a conversation with this Tar-Baby? And who stuck you up the way you are? Nobody in the round world. You just jammed yourself into that Tar-Baby without waiting for an invitation," says Brer Fox, says he. "There you are and there you'll stay until I fix up a brushpile and fire it up, "cause I'm going to barbecue you today, for sure," says Brer Fox, says he.

        Then Brer Rabbit started talking mighty humble.

        "I don't care what you do with me, Brer Fox, says he, "Just so you don't fling me in that briar patch. Roast me, Brer Fox, says he, "But don't fling me in that briar patch."

        "It's so much trouble to kindle a fire," says Brer Fox, says he, "that I expect I'd better hang you," says he.

        "Hang me just as high as you please, Brer Fox, says Brer Rabbit, says he, "but for the Lord's sake, don't fling me in that briar patch," says he.

        "I don't have any string, " says Brer Fox, says he, "Now I expect I had better drown you, " says he.

        "Drown me just as deep as you please, Brer Fox," says Brer Rabbit, says he, "But please do not fling me in that briar patch, " says he.

        "There's no water near here," says Brer Fox, says he, "And now I reckon I'd better skin you," says he.

        "Skin me Brer Fox," says he. "Snatch out my eyeballs, tear out my ears by the roots," says he, "But please, Brer Fox, don't fling me in that briar patch, " says he.

        Of course, Brer Fox wanted to get Brer Rabbit as bad as he could, so he caught him by the behind legs and slung him right in the middle of the briar patch. There was a considerable flutter when Brer Rabbit struck the bushes, and Brer Fox hung around to see what was going to happen.

        By and by he heard someone call his name and 'way up on the hill he saw Brer Rabbit sitting cross-legged on a chinquapin log combing the tar pitch out of his hair with a chip. Then Brer Fox knew he had been tricked.

        Brer Rabbit hollered out, "Born and bred in the briar patch. I was born and bred in the briar patch!" And with that he skipped out just as lively as a cricket in the embers of a fire.

        End
        I have no problem at all with being proved wrong. Especially when being proved wrong leaves the world a better place, than being proved right...

        Comment


        • #5
          I don't get it - who's the fox?
          "There is no great genius without some touch of madness."

          Seneca (5 BC - 65 AD)

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Chuck
            I don't get it - who's the fox?
            John Q. Citizen, methinks...
            I have no problem at all with being proved wrong. Especially when being proved wrong leaves the world a better place, than being proved right...

            Comment

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