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The US Military and Canibals

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  • The US Military and Canibals

    Last Wish

    News Anchor Dan Rather, NPR Reporter Cokie Roberts, and an American Marine were hiking through the jungle one day when they were captured by cannibals. They were tied up, led to the village and brought before the chief.

    The Chief said, "I am familiar with your western custom of granting the condemned a last wish. Before we kill and eat you, do you have any last
    requests?"

    Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowlful of hot, spicy chili." The chief nodded to an underling, who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."

    Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end."

    The chief directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder, and Roberts dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy!"

    The chief turned and said, "And now, Mr. American Marine, what is your final wish?"

    "Kick me in the ass." said the Jarhead.

    "What?" asked the chief. "Will you mock us in your last hour?"

    "No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the
    Marine.

    So the chief shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm pistol From his waistband, and shot the chief dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine, and sprayed the cannibals with gunfire. In a flash, the cannibals were dead or fleeing for their lives.

    As the Marine was untying the others, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them to begin with? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass?"

    "What!?" said the marine, "And have you assholes call ME the aggressor?!"
    "Lord... forgive me my actions, speech and thoughts. Because, Lord, I am seriously going to kick some unrighteous ass in Your Name, Amen."
    Princess of Wands by John Ringo (Jan 2006)

    http://www.baen.com/chapters/W200601...9232.htm?blurb

  • #2
    Three U.S. soldiers were on a special ops mission deep in the jungles of South America. The three man team consisted of one Marine, one Navy SEAL, and one Army Ranger. The team was on patrol and was captured by a band of headhunters.

    The headhunters took the team back to the village to stand trial for
    trespassing on sacred grounds. The three men were tied up and placed in the middle of the village to be questioned by the chief headhunter. The first to be questioned was the Marine.

    "You have been found guilty of trespassing and will be executed. We will use your skin for canoes, your bones for weapons, and your meat to feed our people.

    Do you have any last requests?" the chief asked.

    "Yeah," the Marine replied. " I want my rucksack".

    "Your rucksack?" the chief replied.

    "Yes, my rucksack."

    The chief gave the Marine the rucksack. The Marine opened it and pulled out a .45 pistol. He then shot himself in the head

    "We can still use his body," the chief said. He then turned to the SEAL and asked if he had any last requests.

    "Yeah. Give me my dog tag chain," the SEAL said.

    When the chief handed him the chain, the SEAL opened a locket on the chain, took out a cyanide pill and swallowed it. Within 30 seconds he was dead.

    "That's alright," the chief said. "We can still use his body."

    He then turned to the Ranger and asked him if he had any last request.

    "Give me my mess kit," replied the Ranger.

    "Your mess kit?" the chief asked, thinking that this was an odd final request.

    "Yeah, jackass. My mess kit," said the Ranger.

    When the chief handed the Ranger the mess kit, the Ranger opened it and took out his fork.

    "Look here chief," the Ranger said, " you might be able to use my bones to make weapons for your people. You might be able to use my meat to feed your people. But," the Ranger said as he began stabbing himself all over his own chest, " to Hell with your damn canoes!"
    "Lord... forgive me my actions, speech and thoughts. Because, Lord, I am seriously going to kick some unrighteous ass in Your Name, Amen."
    Princess of Wands by John Ringo (Jan 2006)

    http://www.baen.com/chapters/W200601...9232.htm?blurb

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