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The Best Obituary Ever Written

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  • The Best Obituary Ever Written

    I think the below from:
    https://viralhatch.com/index.php/201...eWD7QdRUpi8BMk
    has it right.

    "An obituary printed in the New York Times:

    Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

    – Knowing when to come in out of the rain;

    – Why the early bird gets the worm;

    – Life isn't always fair;

    – And maybe it was my fault.

    Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

    His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

    Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

    Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

    Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

    Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

    Common Sense was preceded in death,

    -by his parents, Truth and Trust,

    -by his wife, Discretion,

    -by his daughter, Responsibility,

    -and by his son, Reason.

    He is survived by his 5 stepbrothers;

    – I Know My Rights

    – I Want It Now

    – Someone Else Is To Blame

    – I'm A Victim

    – Pay me for Doing Nothing

    Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

    If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing."

    Too Much To Do Too Little Time

  • #2
    Liberalism kills.

    Comment


    • #3
      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_o..._homicide_rate
      "Ask not what your country can do for you"

      Left wing, Right Wing same bird that they are killing.

      you’re entitled to your own opinion but not your own facts.

      Comment


      • #4
        According to your komrade Massena, Wiki isn't a reliable or valid source ...
        TANSTAAFL = There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch

        Comment


        • #5
          Simple question----------what does the above have to do with the OP?????
          Too Much To Do Too Little Time

          Comment


          • #6
            ask the same question about post #2.

            Honest answer, not a fin thing.

            For what it's worth check your like button to this tread.
            "Ask not what your country can do for you"

            Left wing, Right Wing same bird that they are killing.

            you’re entitled to your own opinion but not your own facts.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Half Pint John View Post
              ask the same question about post #2.

              Honest answer, not a fin thing.

              For what it's worth check your like button to this tread.
              What brand and size of tire
              Too Much To Do Too Little Time

              Comment


              • #8
                I don't need replacement, but thanks.
                "Ask not what your country can do for you"

                Left wing, Right Wing same bird that they are killing.

                you’re entitled to your own opinion but not your own facts.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by FTCS View Post
                  Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

                  Finally? The Liebeck case was settled in 1994 so his obituary is pretty late....

                  He also clearly doesn't know the specifics of the case since it wasn't a 'little' by any definition.

                  But hey let's replace knowing the facts or realising your opinion might not necessarily be the absolute truth with smug assholery and ****ing zero inclination towards developing even the most minute kernel of self awareness.....


                  Comment


                  • #10
                    "John Le Mesurier wishes it to be known that he conked out on November 15th. (1983). He sadlly misses family and friends"

                    Veteran actor in "Dad´s Army", his last words were:
                    "Its all been rather lovely"

                    Comment

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