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Mishap at St. Anna

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  • Mishap at St. Anna

    Part 1

    Yeah, I know, the fact that Spike Lee made it should have been my first clue, but I was looking for a good Italian theater movie so I thought I would give Miracle at St. Anna a try.

    I'm still looking.

    Normally I watch the whole movie before writing a review, but it's going to take me awhile to suffer through this film without the aid of Crow and Tom Servo from MST3K. Besides, there's already plenty to give bad reviews about.

    35 Minutes into the movie and already it is sucking with reckless abandon. Maybe I was spoiled by Saving Private Ryan and Band of Brothers, but is it really too much to ask for a modicum of accuracy in today's modern war movie?

    In the opening battle scene we get the group splayed out in some comical farce of a skirmish line. Not one shot fired and already one of them is freaking out and crying for his mother. Don't you actually have to be in battle before getting battle fatigue? Where's Patton when you need to give a good slapping? In a brilliant display of tactical ineptitude they decide that the best way to conduct an assault over a stream is to walk out, standing tall, into enemy machine gun fire. Normally you aren't supposed to laugh at massacres, but when the good guys are standing straight up, stock still, in ankle deep water firing into an entrenched enemy in cover you can't help but tip your hat to natural selection as they are systematically mowed down.

    Technical inaccuracy #2 comes in the form of Fat Albert. That's right, despite the questionable nutritional value of Army chow, one of these guys is the size of a semi-truck. Any time he has to run more than two feet you can hear him wheezing and you can't help but wonder how he ever made it through boot camp. Naturally, while his slimmer comrades are cut down even as they finally develop the common sense to seek cover, Fat Albert, despite wandering around in some kind of attempt to mimic Tom Hanks' shellshock daze from SPR, manages to avoid getting hit by the raking MG-42s.

    After the Buffalo Soldiers re-enactment of the final moments of the 7th Cavalry at little bighorn, the movie once again tries to find someone you can feel sorry for. Enter Italian kid. At first, the Italian kid doesn't look like he's going to last very long, but thankfully the heavy artillery shell that landed on his barn was stopped cold by the thin cobbled ceiling so instead of getting blasted across the countryside, Italian kid gets away with cuts and bruises. Thank God for thin cobbled ceilings, maybe we should have used thin cobbled ceilings instead on concrete on our pillboxes.

    The kid does his best attempt to be cute but ultimately comes off as somewhat annoying. So sympathy garnering attempt number two falls short. This is as far as I have gotten. After resting I shall soldier on and attempt to finish this travesty.

    After all black soldiers have done for America, it's a shame that Spike Lee had to insult them in this fashion.
    A new life awaits you in the off world colonies; the chance to begin again in a golden land of opportunity and adventure!

  • #2
    Spike Lee..enough said!

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Biscuit View Post

      Spike Lee..enough said!
      Something tells me that Captain Dye would've turned this project down if it came his way...
      "This life..., you know, "the life." Youíre not gonna get any medals, kid. This is not a hero business; you donít shoot people from a mile a way. You gotta stand right next to them... blow their heads off."

      BoRG

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      • #4
        Parts of the movie were okay, but the whole movie was a distortion of the book. I want to know how a Postal employee was allowed to bring a Luger in and put it in his drawer! The USPS frowns on weapons in their facilities unless carried by certified employees.

        Pruitt
        Pruitt, you are truly an expert! Kelt06

        Have you been struck by the jawbone of an ASS lately?

        by Khepesh "This is the logic of Pruitt"

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Pruitt View Post
          The USPS frowns on weapons in their facilities unless carried by certified employees.

          Pruitt
          I can almost picture the horribly unfunny SNL skit now:
          "I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS BULLS**T! YOU'RE ALL GONNA PAY NOW! I AM THE MOTHERF***ING REAPER!" *Pulls out shotgun*
          "Hey man, Do you have a permit to have that in here?"
          "What? No."
          "Well I'm gonna have to confiscate it then, If you want to bring it to work you'll have to fill out the required forms to obtain a permit."

          Comment


          • #6
            Horrible!

            I forced myself to watch the entire movie last night. It could be one of the worst films I have ever seen!
            I was praying for something resembling a "War" film and all i got was stuff that made me laugh. At first It seemed as If I was watching Tropic Thunder part 2, set in Italy. I am not sure if they tried to be funny or serious or what. Spike Lee did a horrible job with this film, he made the soldiers look like idiots, they acted as if they had no training at all.

            A special note to whomever Pat Collins is, his quote on the front of the box says "The Best War Movie Since Saving Private Ryan". You sir must have been in a coma since SPR was in the theaters. That and the fact you even put this movie in the same breath is just out right funny!!

            In spite of Spike Lee I wanted to give this a try and I regret it!

            Chad
            "History does not entrust the care of freedom to the weak or timid." Dwight D. Eisenhower

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Pruitt View Post
              Parts of the movie were okay, but the whole movie was a distortion of the book. I want to know how a Postal employee was allowed to bring a Luger in and put it in his drawer! The USPS frowns on weapons in their facilities unless carried by certified employees.

              Pruitt
              Actually, as long as you plan on killing fellow postal employees with it, it's probably all right, although I think that rule mostly applies to assault weapons.
              Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes? Who is watching the watchers?

              Comment


              • #8
                I just forced my way through the last of it. It didn't cease in sucking. I'm still trying to figure out what the miracle was. Almost everybody gets killed, including all of the villagers. What was the miracle? That this movie didn't go straight to video and join the ranks of such stellar films like Dead Man Can't Dance?
                A new life awaits you in the off world colonies; the chance to begin again in a golden land of opportunity and adventure!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Remember...it's Spike Lee.
                  Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes? Who is watching the watchers?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Spike Lee pretty well concentrated on the story he wanted to tell and forgot about the "miracle". Most of the story about the Italians was also cut. One thing in the book was about the old Fascist and how he kept finding rabbits under his house.

                    My take is that racist white officer finally getting to the front line is the miracle...He had problems getting there before.

                    Pruitt
                    Pruitt, you are truly an expert! Kelt06

                    Have you been struck by the jawbone of an ASS lately?

                    by Khepesh "This is the logic of Pruitt"

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by pirateship1982 View Post
                      I just forced my way through the last of it. It didn't cease in sucking. I'm still trying to figure out what the miracle was. Almost everybody gets killed, including all of the villagers. What was the miracle? That this movie didn't go straight to video and join the ranks of such stellar films like Dead Man Can't Dance?
                      The "miracle" was getting some schmuck to fork up the money to produce it..........
                      Lance W.

                      Peace through superior firepower.

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                      • #12
                        I watched two Spike Lee movies: Malcom X and The Inside Man. Both are quite good.

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                        • #13
                          I didn't like it either. They are calling it in the ads the "Best war movie since Saving Private Ryan". I think they made a mistake and meant to say the best war movie since the porno version, "Saving Ryan's Privates".

                          And on that note, I didn't like Miri and Zach make a porno either. Really stupid humor. Not my kind of thing.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I was pretty

                            pissed offf myself after it came out to buy in DVD, and was all set up to watch a different kind of WW II flick the first day it was on the shelf.
                            I had no clue what to expect, but what we got was something else indeed, as the others here can agree on. I did like some of the Partizan actors, they did seem more "real" than all the rest by the end of the movie, but beyond that, where is that recycle bin.......

                            No Cheer here if you happen to watch this "WW II" movie!!!

                            Tom

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                            • #15
                              Just an awful movie. The wife and I watched it last night and kept waiting for it to make sense. We're still waiting. It just went on and on with no real point.

                              My wife used an oldie but a goodie when it was over. "That's 2 hours of my life I'll never get back."

                              Miracle At St. Anna.
                              Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

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