Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

If Combat Mission was a movie by Uwe Boll

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • If Combat Mission was a movie by Uwe Boll

    "This year see the greatest war movie ever"

    *Bad CGI battlefield overview*

    "A movie like no other"

    *Wehrmacht Engineers working on a feldgrau grey mecha that look like EVAs but not enough to warrant a lawsuit*

    "Combining high tech computer graphics"

    *Soviet land battleships duke it out with Nazi mechas*

    "And some of the best war reenactment ever"


    *Hitler and Stalin sluging it out with magic and Neo-Like moves*

    "Combat Mission: Barbarossa to Berlin, A Uwe Boll film. This year, War is real"
    ---
    I feel sick now...

  • #2
    I want the 53 seconds back that it took me to read this post and write this reply.

    -EDIT- That sounded meaner than it was intended to. I was being jestful, sometimes these things are hard to do with just written text to go off of.
    "The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts."— Bertrand Russell

    Comment


    • #3
      He's after Half Life and Metal Gear Solid. If he gets a hold of those two I see wide spread rioting across the world

      I can't believe he's actually making farcry.....

      Comment


      • #4
        It's funny cause it's true.

        I dunno about a matrix like end battle between Stalin and Hitler though. I see more Stalin and Hitler having a major kick boxing battle in the middle of Kursk as Roosevelt runs through the battlefield mowing down SS troops with a BAR (using the same infinite ammo, super enhanced accuracy in the Rambo movies.).

        Ultimately both Stalin and Roosevelt beat Hitler but then Stalin stabs Roosevelt in the back. Truman then pops out of his Sherman tank just in time to see Roosevelt's broken body hit the ground.

        He then yells out a heart wrenching NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! before ripping his shirt off to reveal rippling muscles as a large neon sign appears in the background proclaiming

        SUPER AWESOME STALIN BOSSFIGHT!!

        They then fight to the death, but not before Hitler's corpse reanimates itself because of an experimental Nazi virus that he was carrying in his pocket broke and infected him. He then mutates into a super zombie in which case we hear a Japanese singer going.

        SUPER HITLER ZOMBIE!! SUPAH HITLER ZOMBIE!! NAH!! NANAH! NANANAH!!!

        Truman then joins Churchill to form SUPER ALLIED MECHA!! and end up beating Stalin and Hitler in an epic battle with plenty of CGI and nifty flashing lights which ends up obliterating all life on the planet. At least until the happy ending in which case a huge crowd of happy celebrating people suddenly appear out of nowhere.

        HOORAY!!!
        -----------------------------------
        Sings we a song of wolves.
        Who smells fear and slays the coward.
        Sings we a song of man.
        Who smells gold and slays his brother
        .

        Comment


        • #5
          Haha, I hate Uwe Boll. So much.


          It's so weird though. I understand and grudgingly accept when a bad director gets to continue ruining franchises and make terrible movies when he at least brings in a profit. But I can't figure out Uwe Boll - not only do his films suck, they generally perform very poorly, and he still gets moderately well known stars to be in them...

          It defies all logic!
          “To discriminate against a thoroughly upright citizen because he belongs to some particular church, or because, like Abraham Lincoln, he has not avowed his allegiance to any church, is an outrage against that liberty of conscience which is one of the foundations of American life.”

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Archamus
            He's after Half Life and Metal Gear Solid. If he gets a hold of those two I see wide spread rioting across the world

            I can't believe he's actually making farcry.....
            I heard that the CIA and Blizzard are working to keep him from geting the Starcraft movie licence because the South Korean government has threatend to nuke Hollywood if he gets it.

            Comment


            • #7
              They're bad but they're entertaining though.

              It's sorta like the old Ed Wood movies like Plan 9. It's bad all around but only if you look at it as a serious attempt at sci fi but otherwise it's comedic and fun to watch.
              -----------------------------------
              Sings we a song of wolves.
              Who smells fear and slays the coward.
              Sings we a song of man.
              Who smells gold and slays his brother
              .

              Comment


              • #8
                I think I read this in a comic book. Were talking about those human-shaped robots the Japanese so love,right?
                Delegate, MN GOP.

                PATRIA SI, COMUNISMO NO

                http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/p...?id=1156276727

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Overseer
                  Haha, I hate Uwe Boll. So much.


                  It's so weird though. I understand and grudgingly accept when a bad director gets to continue ruining franchises and make terrible movies when he at least brings in a profit. But I can't figure out Uwe Boll - not only do his films suck, they generally perform very poorly, and he still gets moderately well known stars to be in them...

                  It defies all logic!
                  It has to do with a german loophole in their tax law that rewards him for making a movie that fails. He gets his money from making bad movies

                  Supposably they recently changed the law though, so we may live to see the end of Uwe Boll

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Archamus
                    It has to do with a german loophole in their tax law that rewards him for making a movie that fails. He gets his money from making bad movies
                    Reminds me of Mel Brooks' "The Producers". Springtime for Hitler anyone?

                    Dr. S.
                    Imagine a ball of iron, the size of the sun. And once a year a tiny sparrow brushes its surface with the tip of its wing. And when that ball of iron, the size of the sun, is worn away to nothing, your punishment will barely have begun.

                    www.sinisterincorporated.co.uk

                    www.tabletown.co.uk

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Never heard of Uwe Boll. I looked him up and am happy to report I have never heard of any of his movies either.
                      AHIKS - Play by (E)mail board wargaming since 1965.
                      The Blitz - Play by Email computer wargaming.

                      Comment

                      Latest Topics

                      Collapse

                      Working...
                      X