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Rules to living through a horror movie

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  • #16
    Horror movies contain some of the stupidest humans making some of the stupidest decisions.

    If they would just chop their own heads off right after the opening credits, it would save them and us a lot of time.
    The First Amendment applies to SMS, Emails, Blogs, online news, the Fourth applies to your cell phone, computer, and your car, but the Second only applies to muskets?

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    • #17
      Bad career choice: Haunted House debunker. Investigating haunted houses scientifically to see what the problem REALLY is.

      What the problem REALLY is will get you every time.

      Bad hobby choice: Recording every minute in your new home with camcorder, video on the iPad, cell phones, security cameras, etc. Nothing happens for .....21 minutes of film time or so and then an animated ghost sheet appears behind the babysitter and when she turns around, it's collapsed on the floor, empty. All the audience is by now dead with fright.

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      • #18
        Here are some more:

        1. do not dig up dead bodies
        2. do not read old spell books
        3. do not insult the killer
        4. do not steal things from haunted houses, burial sites or dead bodies

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        • #19
          Don't touch glowing objects that aren't supposed to be glowing.
          Any metaphor will tear if stretched over too much reality.

          Questions about our site? See the FAQ.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by Snowygerry View Post
            Sing and dance. Seriously, have at it the moment the movie starts.

            There's just no way to turn a musical into a horror pic.
            Someone never saw Sweeney Todd.

            They were singing WHILE they were cutting throats and baking people.
            A new life awaits you in the off world colonies; the chance to begin again in a golden land of opportunity and adventure!

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            • #21
              Originally posted by Axis of Evil View Post
              Here are some more:

              1. do not dig up dead bodies
              2. do not read old spell books
              3. do not insult the killer
              4. do not steal things from haunted houses, burial sites or dead bodies
              No, you're wrong. You can read old spell books. You just need to avoid being one of those obnoxious twits that reads OUT LOUD.
              A new life awaits you in the off world colonies; the chance to begin again in a golden land of opportunity and adventure!

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              • #22
                When dealing with German serial killers, first destroy your tv remotes.
                A new life awaits you in the off world colonies; the chance to begin again in a golden land of opportunity and adventure!

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by Pirateship1982 View Post
                  Someone never saw Sweeney Todd.

                  They were singing WHILE they were cutting throats and baking people.
                  LOL - no actually, I'll check it out
                  High Admiral Snowy, Commander In Chief of the Naval Forces of The Phoenix Confederation.
                  Major Atticus Finch - ACW Rainbow Co.

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Snowygerry View Post
                    LOL - no actually, I'll check it out
                    Here's a teaser:

                    A new life awaits you in the off world colonies; the chance to begin again in a golden land of opportunity and adventure!

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                    • #25
                      Originally posted by Snowygerry View Post
                      Was any of the cast savagely butchered ??
                      No, but they deserved to be.
                      Indyref2 - still, "Yes."

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                      • #26
                        If the next number on the ticket machine is 0666, let the two stoners behind you cut ahead. That takes care of both the impending curse and the role of the doomed side kick.
                        Any metaphor will tear if stretched over too much reality.

                        Questions about our site? See the FAQ.

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                        • #27
                          If you are able to knock down or deal a blow to the monster/crazed killer/etc...

                          Don't turn away from the body and give a sigh of relief... It ain't dead yet

                          Keep hacking or shooting it, then dismember the body and get rid of each part in a remote part far away from each other.

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                          • #28
                            Originally posted by Dunnigan View Post

                            Keep hacking or shooting it, then dismember the body and get rid of each part in a remote part far away from each other.
                            The people in Jason goes to hell tried that.... didn't work.

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                            • #29
                              Never ever take the old dirt road through the swamp to the old haunted mansion. If you have to take that road be sure to fill up your car with gas before going on the trip.

                              Zombies are deceptively fast.

                              If an old man wearing overalls and baring a resemblance to Herman Munster gives you advice. Listen to him!

                              There is no such thing as a lesbian vampire. Most vampires are bisexual and desire the blood of both male and female victims.

                              Werewolves are not more scared of you as you are of them.

                              When going to the castle of a vampire to kill him make sure you plan your trip so that you arrive at the break of dawn.

                              Never ever stay at a summer camp were a kid was murdered, drowned or disappeared.

                              If you are in a spooky old house with a group of friends stay together.

                              If you are in a spooky old house and must split up and given the choice between pairing up with the hot cheerleader or the dorky girl play the percentages and choose the latter. The survival rate of hot cheerleaders in horror movies are among the lowest of all characters while the survival rate of dorky girls is pretty high.

                              Appliances do not turn on and off by themselves. If this happens in a house you are staying at get out immediately!
                              “When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”
                              ― Groucho Marx

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                              • #30
                                If the killer uses a knife bring a pistol.
                                If the killer uses a pistol bring a rifle.
                                If the killer uses a rifle call the air force to drop a 500lb
                                Are we there yet?

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