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Rules to living through a horror movie

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  • Rules to living through a horror movie

    1. Never have sex EVER. SEX = DEATH.
    2. Do not say "who's there", "I'll be right back" or investagate strange noises.
    3. Choose a career other than one with involving Law Enforcement.
    4. Do not drink or do drugs.
    5. Do not be a big strong macho man of a jock.

  • #2
    DO NOT take off your clothing inside a strange building. You don't need a shower.

    DO NOT enter abandoned homes or buildings "for fun".

    If the lights work and the hot water is on for a shower in an abandoned building, get out immediately. IT'S NOT "ABANDONED.

    Always go exploring with ugly, unattractive companions.

    If you think you hear a strange sound, DO NOT open the door to find out what it is.

    STAY OUT of dark basements and locked rooms.

    Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes? Who is watching the watchers?

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    • #3
      Always watch where you are running if you are in the woods. Those darn roots will jump up and grab you every time.

      Always pack extra flashlight batteries.
      "War is sorrowful, but there is one thing infinitely more horrible than the worst horrors of war, and that is the feeling that nothing is worth fighting for..."
      -- Harper's Weekly, December 31, 1864

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      • #4
        DO NOT split up.
        Any metaphor will tear if stretched over too much reality.

        Questions about our site? See the FAQ.

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        • #5
          Bring flashlights and extra batteries.
          Bring an emergency beacon, handheld cb radio and/or satphone.
          Bring a stabbing knife and/or hatchet.
          Bring rope, lightweight yet strong.
          Bring flares and smoke.
          Bring a pistol with hollowpoints and extra clips.
          Wear hiking boots and extra socks.
          Bring a towel and extra set of clothes.
          Wear tight fitting clothes.
          Drive a reliable off road vehicle that is serviced often with good tires.
          Have spare lightbulbs and fuses.
          Install auromatic door locks, runflat tires, brushguard, winch, cb radio, gunrack with loaded shotguns and foglights.
          Bring water and food.

          Then u will be ready.
          The Europa Barbarorum II team [M2TW] needs YOUR HELP NOW HERE!

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          • #6
            Sing and dance. Seriously, have at it the moment the movie starts.

            There's just no way to turn a musical into a horror pic.
            High Admiral Snowy, Commander In Chief of the Naval Forces of The Phoenix Confederation.
            Major Atticus Finch - ACW Rainbow Co.

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            • #7
              ^ I don't know. I've sat through a few musicals that scared the @#$% out of me...oh wait that's bored the [email protected]#$ out of me.
              "War is sorrowful, but there is one thing infinitely more horrible than the worst horrors of war, and that is the feeling that nothing is worth fighting for..."
              -- Harper's Weekly, December 31, 1864

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              • #8
                Was any of the cast savagely butchered ??
                High Admiral Snowy, Commander In Chief of the Naval Forces of The Phoenix Confederation.
                Major Atticus Finch - ACW Rainbow Co.

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                • #9
                  DO NOT look to see if some ancient legends are true.

                  DO NOT take strange books or other objects you don't understand.

                  When a musical theme starts to play go axay rapidly.

                  Bring some black guys with you. By dying first they could save you.

                  DO NOT ask your road to old people living in abandonned gas stations and similar places. They are forcely related to a local serial killer or monster of some kind.
                  There are no Nazis in Ukraine. © Idiots

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                  • #10
                    No. Good point. But you do have to admit in some of those horror movies, some of those people have earned to be beaten with their own severed arm.
                    "War is sorrowful, but there is one thing infinitely more horrible than the worst horrors of war, and that is the feeling that nothing is worth fighting for..."
                    -- Harper's Weekly, December 31, 1864

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Twitter3 View Post
                      No. Good point. But you do have to admit in some of those horror movies, some of those people have earned to be beaten with their own severed arm.
                      Well yes - but that's a different question alltogether,

                      I've often sat wishing some axe-wielding maniac would appear out of nowhere, butcher all protagonists and shorten the movie (or episode, or season) a fair bit.

                      Perhaps an idea for a another thread,

                      "Movies/shows that you'd *wish* were horror movies."
                      High Admiral Snowy, Commander In Chief of the Naval Forces of The Phoenix Confederation.
                      Major Atticus Finch - ACW Rainbow Co.

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                      • #12
                        That would be a solid topic, but I have derailed an already good topic enough...now back to our regualarly scheduled program:

                        Turning up the music even louder after you hear a spooky noise will not save you.
                        "War is sorrowful, but there is one thing infinitely more horrible than the worst horrors of war, and that is the feeling that nothing is worth fighting for..."
                        -- Harper's Weekly, December 31, 1864

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Emtos View Post
                          (...)
                          Bring some black guys with you. By dying first they could save you.
                          Like the red shirts in Star Trek ??

                          Being a "Red Shirt" on the USS Enterprise is one of the most dangerous jobs in any (imaginary) military. Donít believe me? SiteLogic founder Matt Bailey crunched the numbers: 13.7% of Kirkís crew died during their three-year televised mission. 73% of the deaths were Red Shirts.
                          http://www.wired.com/dangerroom/2008...ar-trek-red-s/



                          There's of course also the issue of timely recognizing the fact that you are actually in a horror movie,

                          they all start out with an idyllic family situation, romantic road trip or an unsuspicious walk in the countryside,

                          by the time you realize the harsh truth and start singing it may already be too late
                          Last edited by Snowygerry; 21 Oct 13, 08:26.
                          High Admiral Snowy, Commander In Chief of the Naval Forces of The Phoenix Confederation.
                          Major Atticus Finch - ACW Rainbow Co.

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                          • #14
                            Don't run away after you manage to drop the bad guy unconscious. He will get up and catch you later.
                            Pick up a blunt object and finish the job, or you'll regret later.

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                            • #15
                              Do not ignore obvious weapons.
                              Do not put down your weapons unless it is to pick up better weapons.
                              [See Rules for a Gunfight]
                              Any metaphor will tear if stretched over too much reality.

                              Questions about our site? See the FAQ.

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